The Return of Blackfinger

President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was probably buried in last minute preparations for her State of the Nation Address, carefully rehearsing her speech perhaps in front of one of the biggest mirrors in Malacanang Palace.

Along Commonwealth Avenue rolls an effigy of the President, a large loathful lizard with the head of the President, its legs tightly coiled around a miniature version of Malacanang in an almost deathlike grip, as if choking the very life out of the country itself in an almost desperate effort to cling to even the fraying ends of power.

Rallyists and policeman volley taunts and sharp stones back and forth as if they were beach balls.

The color of the Manila skyline is dominated by flags of the deepest shade of scarlet. On the streets, people in jeans and worn-out shirts holler for decent lives and GMA's resignation. In the great halls of Congress, house representatives dressed in their finest garb applaud the embattled president.

This is divisiveness in its finest hour.

Elsewhere, unperturbed by the political mayhem and unmindful of the riot that could erupt at any minute along Commonwealth, my eyebrows furrow as I keep careful watch while my sister painstakingly paints my fingernails black.

I have no profound reasons for deciding to dip my fingernails in the shadow of night. This has nothing to do with the time and trends. I am no rebel and I am not even making a fashion statement. Perhaps it was slightly triggered by remorse after my father's cellphone got stolen yesterday. Needless to say, it was a dictate of whim. But nevertheless it was nothing greater than an ordinary activity in what would later turn out to be (after watching GMA's SONA) a rather ordinary day for me.

The last time Blackfinger made an appearance, my life was fully devoid of drama. It is going to be immensely interesting what Blackfinger is to witness this time around.

The Perfect Time

"To every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..."

Solomon wrote these in Ecclesiastes. I first encountered these words as a little girl. I did not quite know what to make of the verse and dismissed it rather furtively. It was rightly so. It was not yet my time to understand what Solomon had written then but it was almost absolute that I someday will.

Before leaving for college, I read Ecclesiastes 3 again. In my sophomore year when I was deciding which major to take, I read it once more. When I was deciding whether to pursue my masters's degree, I pore through those lines. When my mother got sick, those words gave me comfort. This summer when I was yet in another of the most painful crossroads in my life, Ecclesiastes became my guiding light.

The years tame the tempestuous spirit, unruly emotions and the impulsive youth. This would be rather ironic, given the fact that as the years go by, speed seems to be the most significant for many. In my business classes, I was taught to keep waiting to a minimum because people want responses in an instant. Otherwise you lose them to other competitors. My programming classes placed much more emphasis on speed. Different codes may perform the same function but greater preference is given for codes which can deliver the result at a much faster rate. I remember when Anna and I were tasked to make a sales and inventory program using JAVA for our object-oriented programming class. Our codes were long and rambling and for the user to complete a sales invoice, he would have to be jolted by AT LEAST SEVEN pop-up windows!

Waiting is not pleasant, especially if it involves crucial events. The agony is unbearable. It becomes worse when the result is in stark contrast to what is expected or desired. Thus waiting becomes almost synonymous with worrying. More often than not, worrying is anything but healthy.

Attaching worrying to waiting does not make a pretty picture. As a matter of fact, it rids "waiting" of any romantic images that the word may invoke (just think of movies like "Somewhere in Time"...a digression but what was that about???). But knowing that everything moves according to a predefined schedule makes waiting part of a beautiful choreography. It's like looking at out at a sea of dancers in a dance floor while waiting for your turn to make your grand entrance and, as some dancer friends say, strut your stuff for the world to see. Every person moves in time with the music and though the movements and the steps may not always be the same for everybody, the harmony is evident and undeniable. I heard one of the best definitions of peace last Sunday. Peace is not the absence of conflict. Rather it is refusing to worry about things which are beyond your ability to control.

My Lola has yet been granted another opportunity to take her place on the dance floor. I feel relieved and thankful for that. Perhaps there are more dances that she has to learn and more dancers she needs to meet. I do not know when the time will come for her curtsy but I am sure that today is not that day. Eventually when she needs to make her final bow, I admit it will be laced with sadness for many, including me, but one thing is sure: IT WILL BE GRAND.

"...a time to be born...a time to die...a time to weep...a time to laugh...a time to mourn... a time to dance."

Yin Yang

The Yin Yang must be one of the most popular Chinese symbols. I am not exactly an expert in Chinese philosophy but I have come to understand that the yin and yang are polar opposites - the yin represents woman, the yang man. The yin is equated with darkness while the yang is supposedly the lighter side. They are not opposites which constantly tear at each other's throats. Rather, they are complementary. Both balance each other perfectly. Balance is one of my favorite concepts from Chinese philosophy. Harmony comes achieving a sense of balance. Justice does too. The world exhibits signs of what happens when yin and yang try to overpower each other.

The twin entries below were my Yin and Yang during the weekend. As they say, you can never have too much of a good thing. My sister likes to keep her laughter in check. She believes her laughter would trigger the same amount of tears at some other point in her life. I would agree with her but I also believe that even if the bad would correspond with the good, I've got a God who helps me handle what's bad so that it does not feel that heavy at all.

The Yang

Em had been planning a trip for our group of friends since summer. We had even talked about it in the forum. Her first suggestion was Puerto Galera. Naturally we all got excited. I had never been to Puerto Galera but I heard it was beautiful so I couldn't wait. Besides, Em told me that in Galera, I could perhaps unleash a bit of my hidden "kakikayan." Mich had this glittery hair braid thing on her hair when she went to Korea last year. Em told me that they also had the same thing in Galera and that pretty much got me hyped up already.

But the Galera trip did not materialize for reasons which I most likely forgot. But Em made another alternative - Punta Fuego in Batangas. Personally I had never heard of the place but when Em said something about a beach, I almost immediately spurted a "yes." She was able to make arrangements for us to go there and rent a house for the weekend. I was extremely excited and raring to go although I later found out I was not the most excited among us all. Anna topped the emotions list because she had packed her things as early as three days before our trip. Excitement is, of course, a natural reaction. As Em said in her blog, anything free is good and anything good is bound to be exciting.

Not everyone was able to go though. Rina had to go home to Mangatarem while Rosette was busy with nursing classes in Lucena. Sarah was still MIA and our efforts to contact her remained futile. So there were seven of us who set forth for a crazy weekend in Punta Fuego, in a search to find ultimate relaxation.

Our take-off point was Em's house in Santa Rosa. Jess, Ghen and Shyne were to meet us there on Friday morning because both Jess and Ghen had work until Thursday while Shyne had school. It was only Mich, Anna and I who had to travel from Manila to Santa Rosa on the afternoon of Thursday.

Mich was to pick us up by 3 pm so Anna and I first did some grocery shopping in accordance with Em's request. She would be bringing food but we had to buy the snacks and other "chicheria." Anna and I went to the grocery and bought some softdrinks and an entire cart full of chips. I bet we must have looked like canteen vendors of some sort with all the food we were hauling. Mich came a little later at around 4. We loaded the food and our bags into her car and headed off to Santa Rosa. The ride went pretty well - except for a very brief episode when we were stuck in traffic along SLEX and Mich's gas indicator light was blinking furiously because the tank was almost empty. I remember Anna thinking out loud "We can't push the car if it conks out. The car's automatic." Not to mention that it was raining outside. Nevertheless, we reached Santa Rosa in one piece - including the car.

After dinner, Em's mom went to sleep and reminded us not to stay up too late because we were to leave early in the morning. The three of us went upstairs to Em's room. I have always told Em this but I like her room because the walls slant on both sides although I tend to bump my head especially when I sit up too quickly. We had positioned ourselves on her bed and did not get to sleep immediately because Mich had a lot of stories to tell. Aside from that, one of Em's dolls caught our attention. It was a cave boy doll given to her during her birthday. The cave boy had messy hair which stuck out in all directions but a small bunch of it was tied in place with a bone much like Pebbles Flinstone. It wore a green caveman outfit with black tiger patterns. It had tiny eyes and a cute button nose. Anna decided to name him "So Ji Sup" (after the Korean actor Em and I have a huge crush on) because the caveboy shared Ji Sup's beastly hair (to which Em and I had no choice but to agree). We even gave Ji Sup an "award" (Em's star-shaped stuffed toy) and later on fitted him with my glasses and baseball cap which suited him rather well.

Ji Sup the doll and So Ji Sup the actor

In the morning, Jess and Ghen arrived. Mich and I picked up Shyne in the Coke plant near the toll gate. Shyne was in an all-white getup. I teased her that she looked like Maria Makiling. We left for Punta Fuego at around 11:30 with Em's parents, her youngest brother TJ and friends and officemates of her parents. We first dropped by Cavite to fetch the caretaker and then proceeded to Punta Fuego.

Getting ready to leave

Now I had no idea that Punta Fuego was a peninsula. The place was actually situated atop a mountainous area which was cradled by the sea. It was more of a cove than an actual beach. Houses were built on the mountainside so the view was fabulous. We stayed in a three-storey house...actually more of a one-storey house with two basements, whichever is more appropriate. Em's parents let us stay in the masters bedroom because there were seven of us. After eating lunch, the seven of us went out for stroll.

Upon arrival in Punta Fuego

Beautiful houses abound in Punta Fuego. And they are not just regular beautiful houses but really huge ones too. Em was telling us that there was an infinity pool somewhere and my brain became even more agitated and I started having visions of myself swimming in the pool ala Kang In Wook in "Memories of Bali." HAHAHA! But the images all of a sudden got sucked into a vortex when we found out that swimming in the infinity pool would cost us P500! All of a sudden, the beach sounded like the best idea ever.

We got to go swimming during the two days that we were there. We went to Long Beach and spent hours just running in and out of the water. Jess got to learn how to do her backfloat there courtesy of Em. I took advantage of the wide expanse of the cove and swam back and forth like a fish. It has been a long time since I have taken a dip in the sea. I've mostly done my swimming in a pool for the past few years. The sea is a lot different. The waves are challenging so you have to fight the current. The saltwater also easily irritates the eyes. But the freedom of swimming in such a wide expanse of water is thrilling. I swam in and out of shore, to areas where my feet couldn't touch the bottom anymore. But I was careful, of course. And besides, there was a barrier so that no one would get swept out into the sea.

Me in Lost Beach and some of us before taking the plunge at Long Beach

Another swimming spot was Fuego Beach. Actually it was more of a dipping spot than a swimming spot. It was located near the open sea so the waves were naturally bigger. The shore was also rather uneven and could suddenly plunge to deeper portions. I did not dare jump into the water. We walked along the shore and Mich and I found this rocky area where we could go for a dip. The rock formations resulted to a little basin which was about as deep as our knees. The waves would crash in and out of the rocks so as we all immersed ourselves there, we felt like we were in a jacuzzi of some sort.

Aside from swimming, we did other things too like eat and sleep. HAHAHAHA! KIDDING! Sleeping and eating are natural activities which the body desperately needs although in our case, we did overdo them. Em and Anna discovered that they had a hidden talent in table tennis. Ghen and Jess taught them the basics while Mich gave them an overview on the rules. Pretty soon both were playing like...beginners. Ha! Em, Jess and I also played some pool. Seriously we all gained greater respect for Efren " Bata" Reyes. We had pretty easy shots but we somehow couldn't make those balls plop into the baskets!

Of course, videoke was a given. The house had a videoke machine which required a P5 coin per song. Tita Arlene, Em's mom, gave us a lot of coins to sing the nights away. Starship songs were once more played. Anna this time had an opportunity to sing a solo - Viva Hotbabes' "Kikay!" Thinking about it makes me hum the "lalalalala" part unconsciously. Shyne and Mich had their share of senti songs like "One Last Cry" and "Tell Me Where it Hurts." Jess's "Material Girl" was heavily requested so she did an encore complete with backup dancers (that would be Em, Ghen, Mich, Anna and me while taking videos). In the second night, Em, Ghen, Jess and I had a spur-of-the-moment videoke contest. Em and I were pitted against Jess and Ghen. It was the closest fight ever. We sang different songs, even the ones I hated (like Britney Spears songs which were all Anna's choices). Our scores were always tied but the deciding song was Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Em and I won by a point (99-98). Jess was so bitter about losing by a point I doubt if she got a good sleep that night. But the biggest loser of all had to be the karaoke machine. It must have never been so overworked in its entire machine-like existence! I swear, we were dropping coins into the slot like mad at past 1 in the morning and it was vomiting the coins out like crazy. The karaoke machine had raised its white flag in surrender but oh no, we were still forcing coins down its throat. Jess was laughing hysterically "Iniluluwal na!"

It was great to be with mos of my friends after a long time. Usually we would get to see each other in smaller chunks because of school and work. We didn't get to see Shyne regularly because she now attended a different school. After graduation, all of us have been busy with our respective responsibilities. I am not a huge fan of change, especially when it's with people I'm close to but for that matter, who is? I've recently taken in a new perspective on that. I like to think of it as an entirely new adventure altogether, going on a trip alongside other people. They may stop by the sidewalk to do something else or take a detour but at some point, you'll meet up again down the road and now you'll have more stories to share. We have all grown so much these past five years but it's amazing how we never seem to drift apart (hopefully, we don't). It's like that cute film "Music from Another Room" which starred the amazing Jude Law. Jude Law's character tries to define falling in love with someone as music coming from another room: "You know when you're listening to music playing from another room? And you're singing because it's a tune you really love? When a door closes or a train passes so you can't hear the music anymore but you sing along anyway. Then no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again, you're still in exact same time with it."

The Yin

Nothing in this world is expected. Do people know when a fire would break out in their house? Do they anticipate getting robbed on the train or getting held up while walking? Can they guess whether the car they're driving would get into an accident while on the road? Can anybody predict when a computer hard drive conks out and heads for hard drive heaven? Of course not. If that were possible, psychics would be richer than Bill Gates or those dudes that own Wal-Mart.

We were actually in the middle of laughing about something. TJ was playing "Prince of Persia" on my phone and the seven of us were getting ready to leave Punta Fuego for Manila. Earlier in the day I had called my mom and she told me that the night before, my grandmother got very sick and had to be rushed to the hospital. She contracted pneumonia while taking care of my cousin who was sick the week before. I told myself I would call Lola when I get home.

As I was carrying my bag from the house to the car, TJ handed me my phone saying I had a message. It was a text from my mother telling me that Lola had anemia so severe she needed blood transfusion. I naturally panicked since I had always equated transfusion with really serious ailments. I called my mom and she told me that she was scared and nervous. Severe anemia usually was a manifestation of another more serious disease such as thrombosis or leukemia. She started rattling off other medical jargon but the word "leukemia" was enough to get me dazed. The blood tests would be available after about two days. I called my sister immediately and told her what happened.

I cried on the ride home while praying. I was aware that Lola was getting old but Lola getting sick was something I was not used to. Lolo was always the one in the hospital bed. Lola was always up and about, always making sure Lolo had taken his medicines on time or that food was on the table. Getting sick was a rarity for her. As I told her on her birthday, she never thinks about herself. It's always her grandchildren, her children or my grandfather. I kept on repeating that as I prayed: "Always us, never herself, always us, never herself." I was crying on and off in the car. I kept asking God if she was going to be okay. God naturally just kept quiet.

The car stopped at a junction between roads that led to Batangas and Tagaytay. Our driver, Kuya Gary, slipped out of the car because he had to take a jeep to Batangas there with his three-year old son Jitter. Jitter was seated in the back with Jess. Earlier in the ride, Jitter had been yawning endlessly. Jess tried to pull him towards her so he could sleep on her lap but Jitter refused. When the car stopped, I turned around to look at Jitter and immediately laughed. My friends looked at me as if I were crazy, crying then all of a sudden laughing. I couldn't stop myself, the laughter just came out in torrents. I was laughing because of Jitter. Sleep had overcome him but he probably still refused to lay down on Jess' lap. He was sitting next to a tall pile of plastic glasses. His legs were crossed to the side and his body was all twisted and contorted. His head was cradled by the pile of plastic glasses and his neck had bent to the side. Despite the awkward position, he was still sleeping soundly without a care in the world. Thinking about the way he looked still makes me giggle as I write this.

God did not keep quiet. He did more than make me laugh. He made me see myself in Jitter. The awkward position must have put a strain on Jitter's body but he slept on, head resting on the pile of plastic cups, unmindful of what was happening outside. I had done my prayer and told Him all that I needed to say (as if He needed to be told), now it was time to sleep and let him do the work. I had to let go of the burden in my heart and yield to slumber. I needed a reminder which I saw in Jitter.

It's almost 2 AM, Tuesday. Mom said Lola's blood test results would be out anytime today. I will not lie and say I am not afraid because I am. But I have done my prayers and I have had my talk with God. It's His turn to do the job now. I cannot worry and fuss about something I cannot control. I'll just leave it in the hands of someone who I think can do a much better job and is more than capable of handling my matters. I'll try to be Jitter in his hands.