"A chain of life begun
Upon the shore of some primordial sea
Has stretched through time
To reach to me."
- 'The Story Goes On' from the musical "Baby"
About five years ago, one of my best friends lost her mother to stroke. To say that it was a difficult period in my friend's life is an understatement, especially when her mother's passing came rather swiftly and unexpectedly. I was a freshman in law school back then and I found it completely unbelievable, especially when her mother had been a regular textmate of sorts who was always sending me messages of encouragement and asking how I was doing. I was unable to attend her mother's funeral due to class but in the middle of my professor's lecture, I wrote the the date (Feb. 14, 2007) and a short goodbye message to my friend's mother on the margin of one of my textbooks.
That night, when I got home to my apartment, I sat on my bed, trying to sort out what I felt and what I wanted to tell my friend who had just lost a very important person in her life. She would never get to talk to her mother again. Neither would she ever see her in this lifetime. My friend would never be given away by her mother on her wedding day or place her newborn baby in her mother's arms. That thought stung. I wondered what my friend's mother would have told her, had she known she was to die pretty soon. That made me think about what my own mother might have said to me and in the process of thinking and reflecting, I then began to effect some sort of transference by asking myself "What would I tell my own child if I knew I were to pass away soon?" I had never been pregnant or had a child so that, in itself, was a huge challenge. But I wanted to somehow leave my friend with a mother's words of love and encouragement, with what I thought her mother would have said to her and, in the process, using thoughts from my own mother and from some natural maternal inclination within me. After about an hour or writing, the result was a letter simply addressed to "my dear child."
The problem I faced was giving the letter to my friend. I wanted to give it to her as soon as I could but I felt the pain was a bit too raw and I might just be reopening her floodgates which, for now, needed to be shut down. So I waited and decided to give it to her on her birthday (which didn't happen), then Christmas (still didn't happen), on her mother's first death anniversary (still didn't give it) and so on. Eventually, after one too many postponements, I decided to keep the letter in my files and give it to her on a major milestone in her life which I am sure was to happen - her wedding day.
A month ago, on December 2, 2012, I finally gave my friend the letter, just a few hours before she walked down the aisle and pledged to become someone's wife. The letter I had kept for the last five years goes this way:
My dear child,
When I was a little girl, my mother used to say something to me many times over that it has forever remained in my memory. She would always tell me, "There is no love like a mother's love." Those words rightfully described every moment with her not just because of the frequency that those words were uttered but because I felt that love day by day from as far as I could remember. That is why I write this letter to you now, to tell you what my own mother told me just in case the realization within you is still up for grabs.
I have loved you the moment I first felt you growing inside me and I loved you even more the moment I first held you in my arms. To me, you were perfect, from your eyes down to your tiny toes, from the way you made those gurgling noises to the way you squirmed when you were held in an uncomfortable position. You grasped my finger with your tiny hands and I immediately felt the connection between you and me, mother and child, the bearer and the offspring, the very connection I shared with my own mother, only this time, reversed. "It was the same connection yet different in a way," I thought to myself, as I felt your tiny heart beat along with mine while I held you close to my chest. It was almost like two identical ships passing each other in an open harbor, one sailing east and the other going west. I had grown up full of love because my own mother loved me with so much intensity and devotion. And in turn, here I was, passing on that love to you. It was too beautiful for words to explain.
I love you, my child. It was this love for you that made me devote my time and effort to simply being your mother as you grew up year after year. You would gaze at me with those beautiful eyes full of wonder and none of the things I gave up could compare to the sight of you before me. You, my child, were a bundle of myriads of possibilities - good and bad, heartaches and triumphs, laughter and tears. No one is perfect but I promised myself I would do my best to bring out what is good in you, to make you the best person you can be and to give you the life you deserve.
I love you, my child. Watching you grow up was nothing short of a thrill. Slowly you began to emerge as your own unique person, sometimes imbibing certain characteristics from your father or from me, but still with an edge which made you stand out as a person distinct from us. I have so many dreams for you and so many things I want you to do. But I had to realize that I had to respect the person you were slowly becoming, that I could never impose on you my wants and my desires. You had your own path to choose and your own road to walk but still I felt the need to be here to hold the light for you. If I had my way, I would shield you from all harm and carry your burdens for you. But loving is not about keeping the ones you love in your tight grasp. It is about giving them wings strong enough to carry them off as they fly into the sunrise.
I love you, my child. In my days of youth, someone once told me that a mother is both a daughter's best friend and worst enemy. I never felt that way about my own mother but I have to admit we had occasional clashes, much like what the two of us now have. But what I am most proud of is the fact that my mother and I could sit down afterwards, talk it over and later on forgive and forget, again much like what the two of us do. I believe in what some people say, that the ones you love often hurt you the most. True, words have been exchanged which tear us deep within our hearts. But I believe that statement is wanting of a follow-up. The ones you love often hurt you the most but it is also the ones you love who can make you forgive and forget the deepest hurt. I look at you and all I see are the happiest moments of my life - waking up in mornings with you by my side, packing your lunchbox, doing grocery shopping, beaming as I watched you in your school play, seeing you out the door as you head off on your first day to college, having a family picture taken during your graduation, making your brownbag lunch for your first day in your first job.
I love you, my child. I want to be here for you day in and day out until time stops running. I want to be everything for you, I want to stand by your side always. But I am afraid that cannot happen, that this is not a possibility in the world we live in. If you can, I pray you would find somebody who will take care of you for me. I hope he is somebody you deserve and somebody who deserves you, somebody who will love you with all his heart, somebody who will respect the person you are. Establish your own family and pass on your future children all the love from my heart so you will remember me as I will always keep you in my thoughts and in my heart.
I love you, my child. There can be no love like a mother's love but there is no love greater than God's love. In anything and everything, put Him first. Let Jesus be your constant companion day in and day out. Turn to Him when the seas start to rise and the rivers start to rage. Yet, most importantly, nurture Your relationship with Him when the nights are quiet, when the sunshine is warm and when your joy is unsurpassed because, contrary to what most people think, God is best known in moments of solitude and peace, in times when You see nothing but His goodness, His mercy and His overflowing love. There is so much more to God than being Light of the World and Savior of Mankind. He is a friend who sticks closer than brother and He knows You, up to the deepest, innermost recesses of Your being. Bring that knowledge of Christ into Your own family because a house built on rock may see storms come and go but constantly know the peace that only God brings.
I love you, my child. I always have and I always will. I cannot always be there for you, no matter how much I want to. I may not get to see every life-changing occasion, every monumental event but know this - I am and will be fiercely proud of every milestone and every achievement that will see you grow into a more beautiful person than ever. Let every fall be an occasion to show your strength and your ability to rise up to any challenge. I know you can do it, I have no doubt. I certainly cannot wait to see what the future holds for you. At some point, I may not live long enough to be with you in all of them but believe me, I will be there. Just as you know that the stars will come every night though you cannot see them in the morning, I will be there.
With all my heart,
Your mother
