Girl on the Beach

Gosh so this is what it feels like to get published. It's an interesting mix of "What was I thinking" with ''Ohmigoodness" and some "I don't remember writing that" topped off with an indecipherable series of gurgles and almost-somersaults.
So this is what Jo March must feel. I find myself smiling, thinking some part of me is becoming her.
Youngblood : Girl on the beach
Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the March 14, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
STANDING at the water's edge, with the afternoon sun beating down her back, she quietly snapped pictures of the shoreline. She had grown up swimming on a beach like this, just a few kilometers north of where she was standing now, where the sand was almost as dark as her hair and the water murky like rain clouds. Yet these never once mattered to her as a child. The water was always enticing, despite its gloomy appearance.
She thought of several Sundays spent on this particular beach with her family, when she was still a child of five or younger. She dug deeper into her thoughts and found it incomprehensible that she could no longer remember the last time she had been here, the last thing she had done here, the people she was with and why they just stopped coming here all of a sudden.
There were smooth stones at the water's edge, the waves lapping at them every time the water came sliding into shore, easing itself into the sand like transparent silk. There were leaves and twigs and a bit of litter. Some remained half buried in the sand, while others drifted with the waves. They'll wake up in a different place tomorrow, she thought, and then let the thought go with a tinge of jealousy.
She looked at her watch. About half an hour more and she would be going down the road again, forced to listen to overplayed rock songs on the radio on the drive home, much like the way her departure was imposed, too. Laughter echoed behind her, but it sounded almost like a mockery of what happiness was. For the world, it was nothing more than a fleeting moment, a balloon reduced to mere rubber when not allowed to fly, a beautiful sunset that disappeared before one could even find the perfect word to describe it. For the world, time and happiness were in a constant chase, one trying to outrun the other but neither really emerging the victor. How she longed for that day when happiness would lose its deadline, when it finally became what it was meant to be: timelessness incarnate.
"For the time being then, am I lonely?" she mused. Her head answered with a silent yet definite no. It was not because she was afraid to admit it but because it was the truth. But then she had always thought there was something romantic about the notion of loneliness, of solitude, even of death and dying. It was not about being manic-depressive or anything that should raise the psychological alarm. Maybe being lonely defined in a different sense: the world, as the years go by, sinking lower and lower in the mire created by itself, slipping farther and farther away from the ideal. She herself was no exception, she admitted, she was nothing short of a disappointment. Everybody was, but she did not think of that as a defense. That was just the way things were, things are and things will be. It's like being in the water with the waves pounding on you and you simply ride along to survive. You ride on and on until you reach your West.
She heaved a sigh of a thousand meanings. The sun was still shining on her face, her cheeks soaking in the warmth she had always savored. It was time to put her hermit-like nature in check. After all, she did not want to look back again and not remember anything about this place, except that the sand was dark, the water murky and that her face shone brown-orange in the sun.
"My life is a battle," she concluded, "but my daily existence is a blessing." Then she turned around and trudged back towards the end of another day and the beginning of a new morning tomorrow.

Matryoshka

There is always a voice behind every song, a face behind every mask, a story behind every story.
This entry is one of those.
One of the persons I texted today when I saw that my article had been published was Sue...which is relatively no surprise since she is one of my best(est) friends. Buddy talk aside, I had to text her because she actually inspired me...by giving me a rare chance to see myself.
On that week after Christmas and before New Year, we met up with high school friends in a beach up north about an hour away from the city. We waited until the sun was not too hot and then decided to go for a walk. She has been into photography for a long time and her sister Khan claims her photographs can merit a good space in Biology books. Her hobby had rubbed off on me a bit so while everybody else was busy burying a friend of ours in the sand, in a bid to help him reach Brazil, I had drifted off to the shoreline, trying to get some good shots.
About a month later, we exchanged pictures and I found this among her stash.

She had captured a part of me which was bitter yet hopeful, sad yet happy and a little confused between the words ''foolish" and "brave." For that, I thank her.

It was only yesterday that I was telling my mother about this set of dolls from Russia. Each doll in the set is actually a container which holds a smaller version of itself so that opening one big doll reveals a smaller doll inside which, in turn, hides another smaller version of it inside. These dolls are known as matryoshka.

Someone's Happy

It's been over a week already yet whenever THE thought of it plops into my head, I cannot help but smile wherever I may be, not caring who the heck I am with (not even if they start thinking I'm a severe mental case). Of course, it did not help that less than 24 hours after I had learned of the great news, I was downed by what my dad calls GI flu, squirming beneath three layers of blankets while nursing a 38 plus degree fever. Now THAT lends authenticity to the phrase "feverish with excitement."
I get to go back online after what seems like eternity (that would be a week), late but still bubbling with excitement that I feel like dousing myself with champagne to get the real feel of it. The feeling is still there and my hands are itching to write about it, to capture a small fragment of my memory and see what that would seem like perhaps ten to twenty years from now.
I made it to the law school of my preference.
I had been frantic about the results as early as a mont after I hurdled the exams. I was haunted by one too many dreams of standing before a long list of names and seeing mine was nowhere to be found on that paper. Two weeks before the results were released, I was already pestering the lady in the law school office as I inquired about the results without even attempting to disguise my voice.
I called on a Wednesday morning of that week and I was told to call again on Friday or Saturday which I did but with negative results. I took a shower before leaving the house and I was feeling knots all over my stomach as I began to indulge in thoughts of not making it to the roster of freshmen. I was successfully distracted the rest of the day as I kept my grandfather company in the hospital...just up until I was through with dinner and I was downing my last slice of watermelon. I checked the website and I seriously felt blood drain from my head to my feet in a matter of seconds when I saw that the list was online. I was not particularly interested with prolonging the agony so I dove headfirst (no matter how drained of blood it was) and skimmed through the list. I practically gave my parents the fright of their lives as I tumbled across the hallway and fumbled with their doorknob for an agonizing couple more seconds. I eventually crumpled into a sobbing heap between my parents, a sight which my mother proclaims is my best dramatic moment ever and reserves it for future sessions of embarrassment.
I texted all my friends, both to tell them the good news and to thank them for their support...which turned out to be a BAD idea because I later ran out of load that night. In return, I received a lot of proposals for illegal businesses from my overly imaginative buds. Sue even broke free of her 2-hour enslavement courtesy of American Idol to yak it out with me on the phone. I was calling everybody, from my sleeping grandfather to Tita Vilma in Manila. That night, my volume control button had to be soldered back into place.
True, I gave my telco provider a heck lot of revenues that night but if there is one network I had shortcircuited, it would have to be the lines to Heaven. My "thank yous" jammed the celestial airwaves. All the roads I took, I always prayed for and it still amazes me what calling God can do. As a matter of fact, the entire experience falls nowhere short of being purely jaw-dropping. It's never disappointing and is always revealed to be perfect at its own designated time, as Doi told me. Not only that, I had friends and family praying for me, overheating communication lines to Heaven to alarming levels. My sister was particularly very happy for me, despite being buried alive in her own books which she constantly blames on my "sabbatical." For some reason, I believe she prayed harder for me than I did for myself. Thanks, Kol.
What I found funny (or foreboding?) about the entire experience was when I was turning on the computer to go online. I had Bo Bice's CD on the player while I was going about doing that. It took me a little while after I had regained some pieces of my sanity to realize that the song playing was nothing short of appropriate, as if the player had a mind of its own. The song was "It's My Life."
Everything keeps moving fast
What I want is what I have
Right now, I'm closer than I thought I could be
It's my life, my time to find the answers
Don't always know what kind of road is in front of me
But I'll go slow wanna remember every moment
That passes by the goodness ride has ever been
It's my life.
I have never felt more excited and more scared in my entire life. Come to think of it, our lives are not like badly-done movies. Every new experience always seems to overshadow the ones before it...both positively and negatively. But one thing is pretty clear though and I will always strive to remember, especially when I make my way into those whitewashed halls, to tack this to the most conspicuous part of my brain: It may be my life but I can never - and will never - manage to get anywhere on my own.S

Family

This entry is long overdue but I always found a lot of reasons hinderimg me from writing it...such as an interesting book to read, three nieces to hang out with, Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice's new albums to lip-synch to...and did I mention a new puppy to play "Catch Mom's Fake Plastic Orange" with?

Then my grandfather got sick two weeks ago, was discharged a week later and was later wheeled back in the week after. There I found time to write about this...rather than watch "New York Minute" being replayed five times. Then I myself got sick...and had to rest for a couple of days...but decided I had to finish this even if my mom thinks this entry is...like leftover food. But, my Mamang always told me to finish the stories I write, no matter how long it took, and she was always patiently waiting to read the finished product. I'm sure she'll be reading this. She always loved reading stories.

For the past couple of months, I had been looking forward to January of this year. It has been a couple of years since I last saw my relatives from the US and Canada. I have a rather large family, especially when viewed from Western standards and very tightly knit at that. But then, what Filipino family isn't?

My cousin Denise dropped by in the middle of January. My lack of an older sibling has always had me considering all older cousins as big brother/big sister types. Among all of my cousins in the paternal side, I think she has visited us the most, about four times ever since I could remember. She stays for a week at the least and has met all of the dogs we've had (and we've had a lot).

Denise had a pretty jampacked schedule this time so she was unable to stay no more than three days, which she herself found a little weird. No matter, I resolved we were going to have a great time no matter how short.

Denise and I went to Boracay to do the entire cousin bonding exercise. Besides she was in need of much R&R, given the frenzy of Manila. The sun was obscured by the clouds on our first day but eventually decided to take centerstage on our second day. Denise was hellbent on getting a tan since she noticed her feet were as white as the Boracay sand. I was not too eager on the entire sunbathing thing since my skin is overly congested with melanin so I found a nice place for my overheated derrier under a coconut tree. Denise also had her massage by the beach and a glass of cool mango shake. Swimming was a given. The cool water was so inviting given the intense heat I could almost swear I could see steam rise from my skin as we sank deeper into the water. She also bought a lot of stuff in D Mall like swimsuits and seashell necklaces.

We had an acoustic night by the beach where we got to hear songs from the Eagles and the Bee Gees thanks to cool renditions from a Gollum look-alike who sported uber long hair up to his waist. On our second night, we wanted to go to the underground disco near Regency but Denise got too attached to her pillow, she never got out till morning.

The thing about cousins growing up apart is that you never really realize how much you have changed until you see each other again. When we were younger, I remember my sister and I used to teach Denise how to eat balut, a delicacy which she believes should be eaten in the dark confines of the bathroom. She introduced me to Austin Powers and for a time, we both swooned over the Backstreet Boys, along with her sister Raina. I remember numerous trips to the beach with her and her sisters, the last time being a good six to eight years ago. She had burnt herself to a crisp toast, "as red as a tomato," if I remember my sister's words correctly, because she refused to slathe sunblock on herself. I cannot really remember what we talked about while hanging out by the beach except that my sister and I were at fault for a sleepless night she had to endure thanks to our animated tales on the diverse taxonomy of Philippine creatures of the dark.

Our conversation this time has certainly taken a turn for the mature. We discussed our careers (in my case, career options) and our priorities in our lives. We talked about family, our friends, her take on relationships and mine, our regrets and things we look forward to. There was less talk on mythological beings with a head of a horse and a body of man but we did settle for the mundane...like deciding if a guy on the beach was gay or if the scuba diving instructor who just passed us was cute.

On Denise's last night before heading back to Manila, we went on another night out to listen to alternative music in a local bar. She found the guitarist cute and I shame myself since I still have been unsuccessful in my attempts to get his name. She found their rendition of Alamid's "Your Love" to be pretty good although she was disappointed because they did not do a Filipino song she had been singing for the past few weeks: "Pare Ko" from the Eraserheads. My guitar was on sick leave then, one string dangerously on the verge of snapping. Maybe we can sing our own version when she comes back this December for her sarong...and another Boracay trip.

Just two weeks after Denise, more relatives arrived. Dad's older sisters Tita Val and Tita Nadi along with my grandmother's sister Auntie Lina and my dad's cousin Tita Agnes, who came with her husband, Tito Steve. It was Tito Steve's first visit to the Philippines. Denise and I were talking about it in Boracay and I was planning on calling him "Tyong" but I changed my mind at the last minute. I didn't want to scare him or anything. I should have realized Tito Steve was not THAT easy to scare. Actually, he was what my sister and I would call an "ideal visitor." He was willing to try almost anything, from climbing coconut trees (with sandals on, I might add) to all the gastronomic delights and horrors the Philippines had to offer. I tried telling him spooky Philippine ghost stories to render him insomniac just like what we did with Denise but I could tell he found the entire idea of a vampire with an unusually long tongue flying in the middle of the night with just half a body completely un-scary...actually more of silly. Now THAT was just kewl.

My aunts (who I shall refer to in the succeeding paragraphs as Katitahan, Inc.) were still so much fun to be with, given the fact that they have the most diverse personalities ever. Tita Agnes was still the uber fashionista while Auntie Lina was the shopping guru who always managed to get the best buy in terms of prices. I'm trying to refine my haggling skills thanks to her tutelage. Tita Nadi reminded me most of my Mamang for a lot of reasons - the way she talked, the way her hair was curly, the way she appreciated things in a very quiet manner. Tita Val was still as bubbly and effervescent as ever (not only because of her hair), despite her worsening allergies.

To relate everything chronologically would be almost be like the epic of Gilgamesh in proportion so I won't go into that. Instead I constructed my own glossary to remember the highlights better. The vocabulary is very much open to additions..which should be sometime in January 2007?

*ADING
Conventional definition - A Pangasinan term for calling a younger brother or sister.

Alternative definition - Dad and Tita Nadi to Tita Val.

*ANNEX
Conventional definition - An extension of a building or a structure

Alternative sefinition - Annex is the videoke bar where we all trooped for a night of music before Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve left for Manila. Dad opened with his rendition of Elton John's "Skyline Pigeon." A little while later, everybody was singing to songs from The Platters, BeeGees, Abba and the Beatles while I tried to prevent myself from time travelling by selecting songs from Kitchie Nadal and Christian Bautista. Why! Even Tita Vilma was surprised that Tita Nadi stood up and sang!!!

*ATIS
Conventional definition - A roundish, green fruit with a rather mottled skin characterized by uniform bumps all over it.

Alternative definition - My Lolo had this in his backyard and Tita Agnes screamed when she saw it...not because it was scary but because she had not eaten atis in the longest time. Too bad it was not ripe yet, though.

*BANANA BOAT
Conventional definition - Tube shaped ride where a speedboat does the tugging through the water

Alternative definition - The ride Tita Agnes and I failed to get on in Boracay.

*BORACAY
Conventional definition - Also known as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world because of the clear blue water and the fine white sand. Tourists from all over the country and all over the world abound and it was rumored that Kwon Sang Woo had been there last year for a photoshoot.

Alternative definition - But Boracay is more popularly recognized by Katitahan, Inc. as one of the best shopping places ever. Actually, my aunts spend more time shopping there than swimming! The favorite hangout was *D Mall and of course, *D Talipapa.

*BUS
Conventional definition - Medium of transport to Boracay. Holds about 80 people and plays nothing but action movies all the way to Caticlan, especially butt-kicking flicks from Steven Seagal and Van Damme.

Alernative definition - Showcased my family's volume...not volume as in content but volume as in sound. All the way to Caticlan, my dad chatted it up with Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve. Even the bus conductors decided they were a lot more enertaining than Steven Seagal! Please, no contest!

*CHIMES
Conventional definition - Hollow, metal tubes you can hang by your window so that when the wind blows, a tinkering sound can be heard.

Alternative definition - Tita Nadi hunted for this in *D Talipapa and brought a nice one home. It was shaped like a birdhouse and was made of brown wood.

*CHOPSTICKS
Conventional definitin - Long, thin pieces of wood which look like bamboo skewers usually used for eating meals in East Asian countries.

Alternative definition - Tita Val's preferred cutlery in Thai restaurant which renders her completely silent for the longest time...because she has been eating more than usual.

*CRABS
Conventional definition - Dark colored crustaceans with great tasting meat which turn red orange when cooked. If the meat is heavenly, don't even get me started on the crab fat. *stomach grumbles*

Alternative definition - Subject of eating contest between Auntie Lina and Tita Val. Crab shells and other discards were piled on the placemats like mini red versions of the Tower of Babel. Tita val was getting allergies as red as the cooked crabs but still she insists "It's not the crabs!"

*FIVE (DAYS AND CAMERAS)
Conventional Definition - A number which comes after four and leads to six.

Alternative Definition - Number of days Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve stayed with us...and oh yes, the number of cameras I had to click for every photo op.

*FOOD
Conventional Definition - The number one requirement for staying alive.

Alternative Definition - The number one reason why Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve gained serious poundage according to our weiging scale (which has been mercilessly accused of being faulty).

*GOLD
Conventional Definition - Yellow, shiny metal which fetches huge sums of money anywhere.

Alternative Definition - Current color of Tita Val's hair.

*HALO-HALO
Conventional Definition - Filipino dessert which consists of an odd but delicious mixture of ice, milk, sugar, ice cream, corn kernels, nata de coco and cornflakes.

Alternative Definition - Reason why Auntie Lina, Tita Val, Tita Nadi and I walked all the way to Station 3...and we passed by some really cool sand art too!

*KAMATSILE
Conventional Definition - Thin, elongated fruit characterized by about three or four bulges along its entire length. Green in color but turns red when ripe.

Alternative Definition - The other fruit which Tita Agnes has not eaten in more than two decades.

*KAMOTE
Conventional Definition - Local term for sweet potato.

Alternative Definition - Voted everybody's favorite breakfast. Katitahan, Inc.'s fascination for kamote truly amazed everybody. Auntie Lina brought the rest of the kamote on the flight home with her to give to Tita Vilma.

*"KILL HIM"
Conventional Definition - Two-word sentence which can be applicable to a variety of scenarios - from execution scenes in movies to guys who don't respect their women.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's battle cry while watching the Manny Pacquiao-Erik Morales slugfest in Las Vegas.

*LAUGHTER
Conventional Definition - Usual reaction to a hilarious situation which can range from modest, dalang Pilipina soft giggling to jaw-wagging boisterousness akin to epilepsy.

Alternative Definition - Heard this non-stop from everybody for five whole days...and missed hearing it several days later when everybody had gone.

*LOVERS IN PARIS
Conventional Definition - Korean TV serial which scored phenomenal ratings in its home country. Eventually imported by the Philippines, turning its lead stars into everybody's favorite on-screen pair.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val boarded the plane back home without seeing how this series ended.

*MAMANG & PAPANG
Conventional Definition - My dearly missed grandparents.

Alternative Definition - Everybody's favorite topic. Dad would unceasingly relate how Tita Nadi would try to avoid getting her cute little butt spanked by Mamang which got everybody roaring...and Auntie Lina telling my Dad to leave her sister in peace in heaven. Don't worry Auntie, Mamang loved being reminded of those naughty little details when she was alive.

*MANNY PACQUIAO
Conventional Definition - Current Filipino boxing hero from General Santos City. Sports a moustache and recently figured in an alleged adultery scandal.

Alternative Definition - Partly the cause for a highly tense yet extremely boisterous Sunday in my grandparents' home. The other reason was Tita Val who completely forgot about her allergies and looked like she could take on Mexican champ Erik Morales herself, what with all her shouting and fist-waving. The excitement of the boxing bout left Tita Val hoarse...and Tita Nadi and Auntie Lina in stitches.

*MS. BORACAY ISLAND GIRL
Conventional Definition - None

Alternative Definition - Boracay beauty pageant of my invention which pitted Auntie Lina, Tita Val, Tita Nadi and Tita Agnes against each other...the winner was no one other than Auntie Lina because of her unique taste in fashion!

*"OH MY GOD"
Conventional Definition - Expression of Western origin used during moments of extreme emotion like happiness, fear or anger.

Alternative Definition - What was basically heard when great food was on the table usually from Tita Agnes or Tita Val...synonymous with kamote, milkfish, atis, kamatsile and the sea bass....and oh yeah, also for every song the bearded restaurant singer did in Boracay (see "Only You").

*"ONLY YOU"
Conventional Definition - Old song originally done by the Platters and most recently by Pinoy Big Brother alum Sam Milby who, by the way, looks simply gorgeous in person (yes, I saw him in the flesh).

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's theme song in Boracay. On our first night in Boracay, we were having dinner in this all-you-can-eat restaurant which also featured a singer doing his own rendition of old songs. Everybody loved the songs (I have to say I was enjoying the Bee Gees hits) and Tita Val was getting sentimental because she started to miss Tito Ernie and wanted to dance with him. Later on he did another slow but danceable song which got Tita Val and Auntie Lina dancing. The singer realized he had an appreciative audience so he dedicated the next song - "Only You" - to Tita Val.

*PEARLS
Conventional Definition - Round object (usually beige in color but may come in shades of light pink or black among others) which is formed when oysters get irritated

Alternative Definition - Boracay is known to be a source of cheap pearls so everybody was on the lookout for a good deal.

*PIGLET
Conventional Definition - Offspring of a pig...looks the same and smells the same but a heck lot cuter.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's preferred toilet companion (see "Toilet").

*QUEQUERO
Conventional Definition - Flat silver or dark-colored fish with spiny things along its back. Great for lunch when grilled...and for dinner as tinola or sinigang.

Alternative Definition - Tita Agnes' favorite fish...need I say more?

*RED
Conventional Definition - Outermost color in the rainbow usually associated with war, love and lobster.

Alternative Definition - Would refer to Tito Steve's face after a couple of weeks stay in the Philippines...and yes, the color of Tita Nadi's blouse in Boracay which always got my lola whispering to me: "Your Tita is soooo fair!"

*SARONG
Conventional Definition - Multi-colored, tie-dyed wrap with fringes in both ends which can come either long or short.

Alternative Definition - Auntie Lina's weapon of choice in the Ms. Island Girl Beauty Pageant which she tied around her waist...which made her win the pageant (according to the inventor...me)!

*SEA BASS
Conventional Definition - Carnivorous fish which lives in saltwater

Alternative Definition - Tito Steve's favorite fish...need I say more?

*SHARK
Conventional Definition - One of the most-feared sea creatures popularly identified because of its fin and is known for its sharp teeth and voracious appetite

Alternative Definition - The usual reference to the fish raised by my grandfather

*TOILET
Conventional Definition - The place where people do Number 1 and Number 2.

Alternative Definition - This is my favorite among all the terms in this glossary. The appearance of the toilet could vary, depending on where you are at that moment. It appears like the conventional tiled room with the huge mirrors if you're in houses or buildings like offices, malls, schools, churches, etc. But if you're in the most rural of areas, it consists nothing more than a shallow hole dug in the ground with a bunch of dried palm leaves to cover it. To give you some privacy, a make-shift wall made of cogon and palm does the trick...this is the toilet I have in mind now.

When we made our first bathroom stop in Dumarao, Capiz on our way to Boracay, everybody went to the bathroom except my mom, Tita Val and me. Soon the bathroom stops became less frequent and Tita Val began to feel her bladder was on the verge of bursting. We asked the driver when the next bathroom stop would be and he told me it would be in the bus terminal in Kalibo which would be about an hour away. Tita Val felt that she could not hold on for an hour so I asked the bus conductor if they could stop somewhere just so she could relieve herself. They stopped by a vendor's makeshift booth where she was selling eggs, balut and other kinds of food. They allowed us to use their toilet which was located out back near the trees. Tita Nadi and I accompanied Tita Val. It was raining so the ground was muddy and slippery. Tita Val was shouting from inside the toilet that the entire experience (in terms of visual, olfactory, auditory...you name it) of relieving herself was not pleasant at all. Tita Nadi and I were bursting in fits of laughter it probably appeared to the people on the bus we were having an epilepsy attack. What's worse, tied just a few feet away from Tita Val was a piglet which did nothing but stare at her the whole time.

*TRAPEZE
Conventional Definition - An acrobatic stunt performed in circuses which has people throwing themselves at each other while hanging on to a swing by their arms and/or legs.

Alternative Definition - Coined by Tita Val and Tita Nadi, "trapeze" is now a word used to mean "bagets." For instance, when I lent them loose shorts which were hand-me-downs from cousin Cheryl, I told them they looked "bagets" which loosely translates to "groovy" or "young". The next thing I know, they were calling themselves "trapeze" because they forgot the word I used.

*TUKO
Conventional Definition - Local term for "gecko."

Alternative Definition - The tuko is believed to have populated Boracay before it was commercialized. Now a local artist handpaints bags and T-shirts with pictures of the tuko...like the nice white T-shirt Tita Agnes bought in Boracay.

*TUYO
Conventional Definition - Dried, salted fish which is great for breakfast when paired with fried rice and fried egg.

Alternative Definition - Auntie Lina's favorite fish which, unfortunately, was unavaible during her visit.

*WHEN
Conventional Definition - Usually used to inquire about a particular point in time

Alternative Definition - The beginning word of the question I asked myself when my mom, dad and I drove everybody in the early morning to the airport (wasn't even sure if my tears were from the yawning or the crying): "When will we see each other again?"

Firsts

The week has barely begun yet so many things have happened for the first time in my life. It's only Wednesday so I'm thinking...should I be scared or excited? *starts pondering really hard*

FIRST HOSPITAL SLIP IN, SLIP OUT, SLIP IN AGAIN

For as long as I could remember, my grandfather has been a frequent visitor in the hospital. He has problems with his lungs, his liver, his leg, his spinal cord and lately, his bladder. Despite all this, it's amazing to note that he's pretty alert and manages to hoist a Monobloc chair on his shoulders as he limps from one place to another, his terrier-daschund Sam at his heels.

This has been the first time that my grandfather was admitted in the hospital, released after a week and then admitted again after another week had elapsed.

He's been into a lot of serious medical situations before and he always managed to squeeze out of them still intact. But I know he can't keep on managing to escape for all eternity. This is one race we have to yield to at some point.

But on the brighter side, I enjoy having him in the hospital because he acts like everybody's big baby and even pouts when he does not get what he wants...like when we reprimand him for sleeping too much.

This is how our big baby looked like this afternoon, all bundled up in his favorite pink blankie.

**********

FIRST TICKET

I was driving on my way to the hospital this morning. I was rushing since I overslept and I had to drop by the mall first to buy something. I made a left turn near the mall when I got flagged down by a uniformed guy. I instinctively glanced at my seatbelt and I furrowed my forehead, thinking what I did wrong. I have been driving for four years now and proud to say, I have never been apprehended or involved in a vehicular accident...well then again, almost!

I stopped by the roadside and asked the nice Mr. Police Officer what I did wrong. He told me I made a left turn when a sign clearly said (and it was "gigantic" according to him) that I should be making that left turn somewhere else. I found myself swearing before him, complete with my right arm raised, that I did not see the sign. All I needed was a Bible and it would have seemed like a scene straight out of a courtroom. Mr. Police Officer must have thought I was downright blind because I had my glasses on.

Anyway, I must have seriously lacked charm because he issued me my first ticket (first of many to come, I suppose?), telling me to get my license at the City Hall tomorrow.

For some sick reason, I felt excited at the prospect of getting my first ticket.

**********

FIRST MOVIE

We had a victory party last night because the office's contract was renewed for another ten years on Valentine's Day. My vocabulary was totally parched that day so I could think of nothing else to say but "great."

My mom thought we should pay a tribute to the people in the office, especially to those who were working on the field so we took some videos of everybody and she had me author a 45-minute video which was shown during the office party yesterday.

I have to admit I was not at all that confident about showing my work, given the fact that only my parents and close friends have seen some of the previous ones I made. I got started into video editing when I got a cool video editing software and my earliest work consisted of short, 4 minute music videos on Wang Lee Hom or my favorite scenes from MISA and sometimes video tributes for family members when I run out of ideas or cash to buy them something decent for their birthdays. When my mother bought a mini-DV camera, it became a serious hobby. My first major project was a 3-hour video I made of my trip to Korea last September which took me about a month to make.

The video we showed yesterday was only my second major work and by the time it was over, my preacher-cousin FNeil, who will get his license to perform marriage ceremonies this May, teased me that I could now handle weddings. That got me thinking...I think I want to do the video for my Tita Marie's wedding to...don't wanna say his name here though...or I'll never live to do it. And oh FNeil said he can do the wedding ceremony.

So I can say my first public exhibition went puh-retty well!

**********

FIRST FRUIT

It has been about a year since my grandfather decided to go into a state of what I call semi-retirement. He works four days a week and spends the rest of the time taking care of his plants. My grandmother raises the ornamental kind but my grandfather is devoted to raising fruit trees and vegetables, especially the ones which land on my favorite bowl of vegetable soup (to my horror, it all of a sudden sounds "sosyal"). I am not particularly fond of fruits, my fingers being greater in number than the fruits I like to eat, so I leave them to my sister's teeth to sink on.

Last night, when mom and I accompanied my grandparents' to the hospital when my grandfather was admitted, my grandfather took out a small plastic bag tied with a thin piece of string. He proudly told me it was the first fruit of his lomboy (blueberry in English, I believe) and he wanted me to see how it tasted. After more than two decades of existence, it would be my first time to plop blueberry into my mouth. I untied the string and took out the blueberry. I washed it in running water like what my grandfather told me to do. Then, with a little caution and a deep breath, I took a bite.

Sweet.