Of Valentine's Day Lists and Queues

I should have known today was the wrong day to go grocery shopping. But to be rather honest about it, I really thought that all the lovers of the world would be congregating in restaurants or cafes and not in the grocery store. As Master Yoda goes, "So wrong I was."
I was picking up some last minute things for my friend's wedding tomorrow when I was asked to drop by the grocery store to pick up a dozen eggs. The lines in the check-out counter were kilometric and even if there were hearts dangling all over the place, I could say "all the loving'" was the the last thing everybody was feeling.

I lined up at the express counter which allows payment for baskets or carts carrying 15 items only. It was exactly like the rest of the supermarket - bursting with people jostling for space, toddlers crying and kids going through the gondolas near the counter, asking mama to buy a stick of gum or a bag of candy. A guy and his best friend were ahead of me, carrying a basket of chips and some prune juice (or so I think it was prune juice). I cradled the eggs on one hand while I started texting with the other. I was dead-tired since school had started early in the morning and all I wanted to go home, have dinner and then walk the dog before going to sleep. I was suspiciously eyeing a cart half-full with groceries which was parked right beside the express check-out counter, wondering what in the world it was doing there.

The next thing I know, this lady of about 40 elbows her way past us and starts pushing the cart in between the two guys ahead of me and the girl standing in front of them. "Excuse me," she said. "That's my spot," she indicated, pointing at the microscopic space between the girl and the two guys ahead of me.

Bewildered, I glanced at the sign in the counter to check if I was indeed in the right queue. The sign remained the same, still screaming "Express Counter, 15 items or less." My eyes ricocheted to the lady's half-full cart. I am no mathematician but there was no way either beyond or below the stratosphere that the items inside the cart would amount to 15. It was more like 15 sets of 15.

She kept on jabbing her cart at the eensie-weensie space in front of the two guys. One of them, a guy in a brown shirt with closely cropped hair let out a very polite protest. "Ma'am," he began to say, "this is an express lane. Only fifteen items are allowed per transaction."

I eyed the lady who was now teetering close to an uproar. Her eyes bulged as she started pulling items out of her cart. "I know," she said curtly. "That's why I'm transferring my items to a basket," she declared.

She should not have said basket. She should have said basketS. Yes, that's with an "S" as huge as the Rio Grande.

She and her husband started pulling out one basket after another, filling each basket with, you guessed it, fifteen items and then lining them up in the express counter. The two guys and I watched with eyes aghast as she did this rather mechanically, dropping one item after another into one basket, two baskets, three baskets…four…

I had never been so flabbergasted in my entire life. Well, no, maybe I have been before but what I meant was, I had never been this stumped in the longest time. We all know very well what the point of having an express counter is. The name precisely implies its purpose. But this lady was being smart about the entire set-up and was working around a prohibition, much like a lot of people in this country. In fact, much like a lot of lawyers in this country. Haha. Anyway, if she was tired, so were we. If she hated long lines, so did we. If she wanted to go home, so did we. If she had a long day, she could take a look at mine and realize it was equally as intense. We were in the same boat, pari passu as my Banking teacher would say. It just so happened that the sign technically allowed us to fall in line right there but the same could not be said for her. But, no! She was going to have her way and we either had to take it, leave it or face up to her. And man, did I want to stand up to her, to tell her she can't just push us around like that, not when the sign has clearly chosen our side, no matter which court in the land takes jurisdiction of our potential dispute.

I wound my fingers around the egg crate and did a mental countdown that my mom told me to do whenever I felt my internal fuse box starts to spew fumes of some sort. "Patience," I told myself. When part of the plastic crate went "creak," I stopped with the squeezing lest I crack one of the eggs. I bit my lip so as to diffuse the anger that was now welling up within me.

"1…2…3…" I began to count when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I just burst like a bubble - and started snickering. It wasn't a sarcastic, sinister kind of laugh. It was laugh that was initially born out of audacity and was now nurtured by nothing but sheer amusement. I stifled my gurgles with my handkerchief and turned away from the sight of the lady and the two men before me. True, this lady was mean and unfair but, in a way, she was also outrageously, creatively funny. And besides, it was Valentine's Day and the world needs some love going around.

The two men ahead of me were fuming mad and moved to the express counter beside us which had an even longer queue. I followed suit, still with my handkerchief practically glued to my mouth, still fending off sporadic snickers. The line moved slowly until I finally got to the cashier and paid for my plastic crate of eggs. As the bagger handed me the plastic bag with my purchase, I eyed the the counter where I had originally stood earlier.

The lady still stood there, two people away from the counter, her baskets clumped around her like eggs arranged in a mother bird's nest.

---

Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, I figured I could at least ride along with the lovey-dovey feel and the deluge of pink and red. Back in college, my friends and I used to have a movie marathon come February 14 (of the weekend closest to that day). We'd rent the sappiest, cheesiest romantic movies, pile up on the chips and chocolate and lug around huge bottles of soda then soak ourselves in a jacuzzi of all the schmaltz possible, non-stop from morning till…er…early the next morning.

Now since I am practically drowning in all the saccharine possible, I'll just pour on more sugar and get as mawkish as possible as I go through my list of favorite romantic books and movies and, of course, sappy love songs.

Though I've never been a huge fan of the romantic genre when it comes to my books, there have been a number of standouts in my bookshelf - and nothing beats the classics. Wuthering Heights is as sweeping as the lush moors which bear witness to Catherine and Heathcliff's turbulent love for each other. Pride and Prejudice is quirky and entertaining in its own right - no matter how quaint it may seem at every page - and I indeed have lost count of the number of times I asked myself, "Will Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy end up with each other?" Nicholas Sparks churns out one charming story after another but my favorites have to be the book-turned-movie A Walk to Remember and The Rescue, a poignant story about a troubled fireman, a single mother and her autistic son. An interesting pick is Train Man, a Japanese novel of sorts which actually looks like an Internet forum, complete with posts from fictional netheads and even graphics. It follows the travails of a quiet, nerdy guy who falls for a girl he meets on a train in Tokyo. Not knowing how to ask her out, he asks for help from an Internet forum where anonymous people all help in, pitching in advice bits here and dating tips there.

In terms of movies, rom-coms are among my favorites but I also like the serious ones. One of my ultimate favorites is the monochromatic classic Casablanca. I love the contrast between the sardonic yet sentimental Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and the sweet but tortured Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman). The movie's dark conclusion on the airport runway, along with Rick's trademark swipe at Ilsa ("Here's looking at you, kid."), will always make this movie memorable. Roman Holiday is generally light, fun, predictable and made me pine for my own Vespa. However what makes it a choice pick is the movie's final scene, after Princess Ann (Audrey Hepburn) ends her press conference and walks out, leaving newsman Joe (Gregory Peck) all alone to traverse an empty hallway. The miniseries version of Pride and Prejudice did not disappoint. Neither did Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle who were both born to play Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett, respectively.

A little drama always makes a movie a little bit more endearing. Who could forget a Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) standing outside Diane Court's (Ione Sky) bedroom window, holding up a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" in the movie Say Anything? Rain also adds a bit more drama to any film. A perfect example is another favorite, the Korean film The Classic where university student Ji-Hae (Son Ye Jin) manages to run from building to building while staying dry, thanks to her secret crush Sang-Min (Jo In Sung), who holds his now-dripping jacket over her head the entire time. The movie itself was actually a good combination of both light and heartbreaking scenes. By the end, I actually felt rather bipolar in a nice way. In the tradition of quirky rom-coms, Tootsie will always be cute, endearing and everything adorable. But my top pick would have to be the superstar-packed Love, Actually, a movie I love watching over and over again courtesy of Hugh Grant dancing, Andrew Lincoln playing Christmas carols on a radio for Keira Knightley while flipping flashcards, Colin Firth slow typing and mumbling awkward Portuguese when he proposes to Lucia Moniz with the entire community in attendance...the list never ends.

To complete the schmaltz attack and the Valentine fever, music has to enter the picture. Apo Hiking Society's Panalangin is easy on the ears yet bursting with optimism, especially in the new version of the song courtesy of Moonstar88. One of my favorites, Take That's Back for Good, has poetic prose for lyrics while Jon McLaughlin's So Close is, well, enchanting. Side A's Forevermore is one of my ultimate favorite love songs as it is brimming with hope and promise. I keep my fingers crossed that someday, I'd get the chance to sing it for one or two of my best friends on their respective (future) altar dates. That and, maybe, Endless Love (we could borrow Mr. Schuster for a while).

Love songs though do not always have to be sweet and sappy. I also like stirring, emotive songs sung by hauntingly beautiful voices such as You're Still You by Josh Groban, Every Little Thing by Dishwalla and Yuki no Hana (Snowflower) by Japanese singer Mika Nakashima. But in terms of a song being both "haunting" and "beautiful," no other song fits the description to a perfect G-clef other than You by The Carpenters. There is nothing grand about the music or the lyrics. As a matter of fact, it is the song's innate simplicity that makes it absolutely perfect in my scale (pun absolutely intended). After all, lines like "You are one who makes me happy" and "You are one of the few things worth remembering" are certainly quite tough to beat as they are rather plain to see but beautiful when heard.

Fine.

The Sound of the Sky

For Lois

11:58 PM, sometime in 2009

The sky was black and the streetlights had just been switched off. I sat by my window, surrounded by complete darkness. The cool wind blew a soft caress into my cheek and I warmly grasped its cold fingers. I had set a date with the Sky at 12 midnight because a meteor shower had promised to make its appearance. I sat and waited for quite sometime, looking at the darkness of the sky, my eyes slowly adjusting to the blackness. My sister was asleep and she twitched a bit when she heard me open the window across her bed. "Close it, please. It's bad for my throat," she croaked. I opened the window across my bed and sat beside it. I called out "The meteor shower's starting anytime." She then mumbled something inaudible about ice cream and candy, a rather obvious indicator that she was sleep-talking again. I went back to the Sky. The stars, though not as numerous as the sparkly dots in the night sky back in my hometown, were bathing in their simple radiance. They were twinkling miles away, small as they were before my eyes but huge, incendiary, gaseous bodies somewhere in the deepest recesses of space. As I gazed at the Sky, I realized I had long forgotten how beautiful the celestial blanket could be if only one paid very close attention. It seemed to be breathing on its own and everywhere, life in the outermost bowels of space was pulsating in its own silent, rhythmic beat. The longer I gazed it, the more I seemed drawn to the darkness, swallowed even, as my eyes tried to reach as far as they possibly could. Eventually, the feeling of being stuck like a galactic bolus in a wave of astronomic peristalsis ended pleasantly in a warm embrace courtesy of the quiet grandeur only fulfilled by the Sky.

In the darkness and stillness of the night, I could hear hearts breaking. It is a sad thing to hear, hearts breaking. There is no sound at all like that in the rest of the world. It is the sound of silence, of a heart ceasing to beat. It is the sound of wings, fluttering desperately. It is the sound of fragile crystal transforming into tiny shards as it crashes albeit muted into a cold stone floor. It is the sound of a dream slowly drifting to nothingness, of light passing through a black hole and then sucked into its unforgiving vortex.

In like manner, there is no other soreness which comes with a heart breaking. It is quiet pain, a slow death. It goes deep into the very core of your spirit and refuses to die or go away quietly. It hangs like a pall over your face, a veil both translucent and opaque. It is pain which seemingly has a life of its own and roots of its own which, when left unattended, could drain or strangle the very essence out of all hope.

Out of the corner of my eye came a streak of light as thin as a hairline. It flew through the Sky like a short strand of golden thread, disappearing as quickly as it came. More streetlights a block or two away were simultaneously turned off. The weatherman promised a night full of meteors, a shower even of about 20 or so bright strands of light every minute. I peered through the darkness, egging the Sky for more meteors on horseback. But all I got was about three or four random streaks every minute or so, randomly swooping in any point of blackness and then disappearing completely. Just when I thought I had seen the last one, my date did not renege on its promise and let loose a bit more of the sparkling threads. Though conservative at best, the sight of happy-go-lucky, fiery little meteorites certainly made bedtime a little more magical than usual.

In the middle of all these sights and non-sounds comes the quiet whisper of a heart mending, a heart growing, a heart coming back to life. God knows how frightened anyone would be at the realization that the little life that many thought had been nursed to a slow death is now stirring back to existence. How different then is this creation, an entity both old and new? What then would set it apart from all the hearts breaking or self-combusting in their little ribcages all over the world? The shards of a broken heart may not have completely disappeared because they are still a bit too precious too discard so they just sort of hang around there like deadly icicles in some self-imposed winter.

My eyes were slowly giving up on me and I leaned out to close the window. The air was chilly, almost nippy outside and I made a mental note to say a prayer of thanks for not having been born in Siberia. I blew my cosmic, taciturn date a quick kiss as I locked the window and it responded with a bit more flashing meteorites displaying their subdued brightness. I could still hear the sound of hearts breaking, unmistakeable and distinct. I could hear a million voices quietly whispering, promising never to subject the poor, throbbing little muscle to any more emotional distress. Yet, in the wake of what could be an aortal massacre and a mad scramble to tediously put the pieces back together, I found myself consumed by the last thought in my head before being completely overtaken by slumber - I found myself, once more, believing.

2009 in a Nutshell

Had been meaning to do this since 2010 began but I never got around to doing that. So before January ends, here goes my annual blogging tradition.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
It was my first time to go parasailing during the summer…my first time to be on a parachute actually. I was partly thrilled, partly nervous but I absolutely enjoyed every minute I was being dragged through the air.

I had never been caught in the middle of a raging typhoon before - until 2009. When Ondoy swept through Manila, bringing heavy, unceasing rains in its wake, I was driving my car through the northbound lane of EDSA. When I got to Pasig, the floodwaters were getting deeper and my dashboard lights were coming alive in colors I had never seen before. Tried to go back home via EDSA's southbound lane this time with floodwaters raging. Took me two whole hours to get home (normally takes 10 to 15 minutes) and by the time I walked in the front door, I was so shaken up I had to curl up on the couch with a blanket and a pillow and watch helplessly as water invaded Metro Manila.

2. Did you keep your new years's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Yes, I kept almost all of my resolutions for 2009 but I still need to work on other things. I'm getting better with the cooking thing. If I made dessert (Ate Jocy's no-bake cheesecake) for giving away as gifts two Christmases ago, I made pasta this year almost single-handedly. Almost! Will definitely be making more resolutions (and food) this year. Yay!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Had a new cousin (and another namesake) this year in the person of baby Aida Shara.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Didn't know President Cory Aquino personally but she holds a special place in the hearts of all Filipinos, including mine. Michael Jackson's death was a shocker too.

5. What countries did you visit in 2009?
Didn't travel outside the Philippines this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Haha! A Mini Cooper! In my dreams.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched in your memory and why?
Lots!
August 3, 2009: Walking alongside Pres. Aquino's funeral cortege along Ayala en route to the transfer of her remains from San Juan to Intramuros. The procession stopped for a while in the corner of Ayala and Paseo de Roxas and in the midst of a downpour of yellow ribbons, yellow balloons and confetti, everybody started singing "Bayan Ko" while flashing the Laban sign.

December 27, 2009: Finding the perfect place and time to sing for my Creator.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting out the school year with insecurity and uncertainty and emerging victorious in the end. As my friend Rachel said, "Go happy endings!"

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmmm…I can't think of anything.

10. Did you suffer illness of injury?
Had stomach flu about twice or thrice this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A nice red dress which looks good, fits well and cost me less than $6! Wait…did I just say the best thing I bought was a dress?!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every Filipino.

The Bayanihan spirit once more made an appearance when Ondoy ransacked much of Luzon. It wasn't just about helping each other out in times of need. It was also about looking at every Filipino and finding a bayani, a true hero, right before your eyes.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sad to say, the President. This seems like a pretty constant answer. Yes, PGMA and Peter Pan. :D

14. Where did most of your money go?
Photocopies, load for my Broadband stick, KFC Twister treats on Saturday afternoons and buying my sister's dog.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting Fully Booked gift certificates for my birthday! I schedule the books I buy so that I don't consume the gift certificates in one trip. I still have a couple more left!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?
a. "The Show" by Lenka because it's the first song I hear every morning…overtime my alarm goes off.
b. "Defying Gravity" from the Wicked soundtrack because it's a beautiful song with great lyrics (and Idina Menzel and Kristine Chenoweth really blow my socks off overtime I listen to the song).
c. "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Danny Gokey. First time I heard him sing it live on American Idol was mind-blowing. And my goodness, how does he come up with those runs?
d. "Stray Italian Greyhound" by Vienna Teng. Great song, perfect lyrics with the right amount of abstruseness and very fitting for my year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? -- Way happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Ha! Fatter…slightly fatter. :D
iii. richer or poorer? -- Richer! YES! :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more?
I wish I laced up my sneakers and spent more time running or hit the pool more often rather than just sleeping. I wish I read a lot more law-unrelated books this year. I only read a handful and it's pitiful!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less procrastination! My gosh, it's like a disease!

20. What was your favorite TV program?
American Idol Season 8 made my year! Everyone on that particular season was really good. As for teleseryes, I was so hung up on Tayong Dalawa despite the horrendous ending and Boys Over Flowers even if the Korean version of Rui Hanazawa/Hua Ze Lei looks like a girl in some angles.

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No…not really.

22. What was the best book you read?
The Time Traveller's Wife was a great book to just sink into. It was a different kind of read - very straightforward prose, very masculine even in some instances but surprisingly emotion-laden.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I realized that I was not a Michael Jackson fan but many of his songs were ranked among my favorites. Slightly irreconcilable but true.

24. What did you want and get?
Mara Jade, my new laptop and latest manifestation of geekdom! :D And getting published in the Inquirer again in January of 2009 was certainly a thrill. :) I was on Cloud 11 for days.

25. What was your favorite film of this year?
Toss-up between Slumdog Millionaire and (500) Days of Summer. Slumdog Millionaire was the best feel-good movie I have seen in a long time whereas (500) Days of Summer was hilarious, quirky and boasted of a great soundtrack.

26. What was the worst film you saw this year?
Didn't get to see a movie I didn't like in 2009…which is good. :D

27. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 26 this year and on my birthday, I wore my red headband and had dinner in Glorietta with my high school friends and classmates.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Watching the Lea Salonga Your Songs concert would have definitely been like a cherry on top of my parfait that is 2009!

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I love the long shirts/tops and fitted jeans ensemble and that plaid made a comeback!

30. What kept you sane?
As always, the Bible. :)

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh my goodness…Danny Gokey! He's a guy who sings like no other and does so with his heart! Kristin Chenoweth is hilarious and Idina Menzel is a showstopper!

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmmmm…the controversy surround election automation, PGMA's supposed extravagant dinner abroad and the Maguindanao massacre, of course. The Maguindanao massacre was especially disturbing since it made me reflect on whether or not the value for human life is almost nil in this country to the point that politics is enough a motivation to brutally slaughter so many people. What for?

33. Who did you miss?
Pastor Acosta. I always looked forward to his sermons whenever I went home for vacation and I still need to get used to the fact that I will never hear him speak again.

34. Who was the best new person you met?
Getting to know people more is better than meeting new persons. I thank God for giving me the chance to get to know Ate Wawa and Ate Germaine this year. I was also so glad be "bus mother" to my Evidence posse, people who have become not just a support group but friends (you know who you guys are). :)

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
It's good to make long-range plans but always be on the look-out for detours - and be ready to take them. They may faze you at first but going through them be something you won't regret doing.

36. What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself?
My cousin James to me when I was parking rear first: "Do you realize how sexy that is?"
That got me thinking: if a parking slot were a runway, I'd be a supermodel! HAHA!

37. The most touching experience you had this year.
Sitting next to Lolo's bed in his hospital room and reading the Bible to him.
Crouching beside Mamang's tombstone and clearing it of grass and dried leaves, all the while hearing her speak to me in my head, "Finish your story, Aida Rose."

38. What did you like most about yourself this year?
I liked the fact that I didn't let fear take hold of me this year. I didn't dwell too much on not getting what I wanted but instead made do with what was given to me.

39. What did you hate about yourself this year?
My hissy fits! I need to install a circuit breaker in my head or something. Still working on it…still working on it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Oh no not now,
Please not now,
I just settled into the glass half empty
Made myself at home

So what do I do with this?
This stray Italian greyhound
These inconvenient fireworks
This ice-cream-covered screaming hyperactive thought

So what do I do with this?
This sudden burst of sunlight
And me with my umbrella
Cross-indexing every weatherman's report
I was ready for the downslide
But not for spring to well up

What do I do
With a love that won't sit still
Won't do what it's told
What do I do
With a love that won't sit still?"
- snippets from Stray Italian Greyhound, Vienna Teng

41. Was 2009 a good year for you?
Yes, it was a great year.

42. What was your favorite moment of the year?
My cousin Loida's wedding was something all of us had been looking forward to for a long, long time. Getting to dance "Jai Ho" during her wedding with the rest of my cousins was a blast…and the rehearsals were more of a riot.

Going on a homecoming trip to Pangasinan with Tita Vilma, Tito Dan and my cousin James was quite poignant.

Coming home in October to find my grandfather moving past the fact that he was practically married to his wheelchair and was now "walking for real."

43. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Having to go through this school year's enrollment by bidding for subjects. Everything was just so uncertain…and I ended up in a class that I really didn't want to be in! Yikes!
The summer was also particularly difficult to deal with as total nerve compression paralyzed my Lolo from the waist down and I know I will never see him walk again.

44. Where were you when 2009 began?
In Taguhangin, Ajuy, Iloilo.

45. Who were you with?
With my parents, sister and grandparents.

46. Where will you be when 2009 ends?
Still in Ajuy, Iloilo.

47. Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
Hopefully…still the same people.

48. Do you have new year's resolution for 2010?
I hope to be more patient, more optimistic and less of a pain.

49. What was your favorite month of 2009?
December! I took a lot of pictures during Christmas season in 2009. Plus, Tito Stan and Tita Ping took us to a surprise road trip to Aklan where we visited the Sampaguita Gardens and practically froze our toes off in the cold springs of Nabas! Wooohooo!

50. What was your favorite record from 2009?
Lots! I loved Lenka's The Show, the original Broadway cast recording of Wicked and Rock of Ages and the soundtrack to (500) Days of Summer. And oh, my own personal compilation of MP3s of Danny Gokey's live and studio performances.

51. How many concerts did you see in 2009?
None…except the Easter and the Christmas cantatas in church.

52. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
No. Ha!

53. Do a lot of drugs in 2009?
Evervon-C.

54. You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
As always, yes. :)

55. How much money did you spend in 2009?
I'm not an accountant.

56. What was your proudest moment in 2009?
The day I got a text that Evidence grades were out and I ran to the OCS to see for myself how I did. And I actually fared well! I was so freaking scared to be in that class and every class session was always met with apprehension.

57. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009?
Ask Sue about December 26, 2009. :) HAHAHA! I wanna hide under a rock.

58. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
Ask me…but not here.

59. What are your plans for 2010?
Hope to enjoy whatever academic work is hurled at me this year. I keep on forgetting I'm in the rut...er…place I'm in because I chose to be here and because it is something I'm interested in. I plan to live a bit more healthy this year - cutting down on Coke, going back to swimming and running, giving up on fries and hamburgers (except when I think I deserve a reward). I hope to get the chance to write more.

60. How are you different now that the year has ended?
I hope I've become more mature and more appreciative of the smallest things that every day throws at me. I'm thankful for anything and everything.

61. What are your wishes for the new year?
I wish this year would be the year for change. I say that every year and I do mean it. I pray for a complete overhaul in terms of not just our lives but also with regard to our country, our families, our homes and our relationship with our Maker.

When the Laws of Science Collide

One of the many things that I love about science is its universality in terms of application. Many scientific concepts have found their way in daily conversation and sometimes, their scientific root is forgotten.

In high school, chemistry and physics were two subjects I had to study. I loathed physics whereas chemistry was always the more interesting read (nothing beat biology, though). There were two concepts from these branches of science which have come to have a different meaning for me as time goes by: momentum and catalyst. One starts things off and the other technically gets the ball rolling.

A catalyst, if my high school memory would not fail me, is a substance which allows a chemical reaction to proceed at a much faster rate. The catalyst itself does not undergo any major change in the course of the chemical reaction. Momentum, on the other hand, is one of the simplest formulas to remember. It is simply defined as M = (m) (v) or mass multiplied by velocity. It is that amount or quantity of motion of a body which would depend on how heavy it is and on how fast it is going at a point in time. The easiest example for such a concept is a ball rolling (thus the last sentence in the previous paragraph). A bigger ball rolling at a faster speed naturally has more momentum than a smaller, slower ball. Both the concept of a catalyst and of momentum have no apparent relation in the realm of science but upon closer examination, one can see that both fit the earlier correlation I earlier made. As I said, a catalyst gets things started at a much faster rate whereas the momentum keeps the ball rolling.

In both the theoretical and the figurative sense, a catalyst may not be the equivalent of momentum. After all, what started the spark in the first place may not be the same as that which keeps the candle burning. The natural progress of the inquiry would then delve into the question of which among the two would be more important: the firestarter or the one which keeps the party going. An almost immediate answer would naturally point to momentum. After all, any explosion can start but if nothing propels it forward like a grenade launcher, it's going to pretty much burn itself into the oblivion that it dust particles. But upon closer introspection, the catalyst itself is also rather important. In the first place, it gives the push, the shove and practically determines how far one can go. It sets the direction for the movement, where everything is headed and whatever it is that needs to be hit, crashed into or, simply, achieved.

If every new door, every new opportunity, every new year were a catalyst, I'd wish it were the type that would accelerate the right chemical reaction at the right pace with a particular end product in mind. If it were to be the momentum one seeks, I wish it would be the perfect combination of the optimal mass, the appropriate speed, the best angle and the most favorable of circumstances so as to send any ball rolling and any pendulum swinging for as long as it is possible.

Ribbons and Paper

Whew! It feels good to sit by my lonesome in the stillness of the night. Ever since I arrived home last week, everything has sped past me in a blur thanks to all the preparations for the office Christmas party which is tomorrow. As a matter of fact, that's how Christmas has always been for me - everything seems to be on high speed and I find myself running around helping my mom, decorating the house, wrapping gifts, doing last-minute groceries and before I know it, Christmas is over.

I promised myself this year that I'd write 25 stories/reflections about Christmas 25 days before December 25. So did I manage to fulfill that objective? Not at all. So before Christmas Day dawns upon me like the morning sun, I will write a little something about why this season is the most-loved and the most anticipated by almost everybody.

Ha! Thanks to the faulty Internet last night, Christmas morning did dawn on me without getting to write anything.

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Gifts are particularly common come Christmas. Two days ago, I dropped by the local supermarket to pick up some basil leaves. On my way out, I passed by two girls who were trying to decide which trinkets to get for their office Kris Kringle. Today, I went to the mall to buy some blank CDs and as I made my way to the parking garage, I espied a little girl in a pink dress crossing the street on board her brand new pink bicycle, training wheels and all. I could tell it was brand new because a red Robinson's Place label was still stuck to one of the wheels. Her father carefully held the handbars and the bicycle seat as the girl pedaled, her face shining with unmistakeable joy. Inside the mall, I walked past a family of three - a father, a mother and their young son - having merienda in a fast food chain. The boy was bringing brand new toys from a plastic bag: a set of action figures and a wind-up train which sped in its own circular set of rails. His parents watched as the boy arranged the toys on the table, next to his unfinished packet of French fries, and laughed as the train went whirring round and round until it had to be wound again.

There is something about gifts which can give a bad day a quick jolt and a shove to make it do a complete 180. I think anyone who abhors receiving gifts has got a dozen loose screws and needs a lobotomy. Through the years, I've received a lot of gifts come Christmas and I do have some favorites which stand out from the pack like a gayly wrapped present. For instance, when I was a child, my family and I would celebrate Christmas in my grandparents' house in Mangatarem, Pangasinan. Come Christmas Eve, Mamang, my late grandmother, would give me one of Papang's old socks and tell me to hang them on the window for Santa to fill with goodies. In the morning, I'd wake up to find the sock stuffed to the seams and I'd run to Mamang to show her all the chocolates and candies I got and she'd excitedly watch me count my stash even if she knew very well what was inside.

This year, my mom gave me Mara Jade, my new laptop (trust the geek to give the laptop a geek name), just so I could now retire Lei (my 8-year old notebook) which was, in some instances, trusty and in other instances would just turn itself off for no apparent reason. I was so happy that when I got home, I showed her Mara Jade and gave her a quick run-down of all its features, muttering about how "awesome" it was and how thankful I was for getting it for Christmas.

My favorite Christmas gift by far, however, was the one my sister and I also got from "Santa," 19 years ago. I had been pining for a dog and I had written "Santa" about it for the past two years but he kept giving me other things. On that particular Christmas Eve 19 years ago, my mom ran into the room my sister and I used to share and told us Santa was in the front yard with our presents. My sister and I raced to the front yard and found no Santa there. My mom then said Santa was in the kitchen and, because we were young, stupid and gullible, we ran out and found nobody except my mom jumping and pointing to the sky, telling us to wave goodbye because Santa was in a hurry and that if we looked closer, we would get to see his sleigh flying across the night sky. Disappointed that we didn't get to see Santa (and I was wondering how someone that fat could move so fast), my sister and I ambled back to the living room and were surprised to find two baskets sitting under the Christmas tree. I remember hiding behind a chair as my sister, who was always the more adventurous one, slowly walked toward the basket with the green ribbon, struggled with the wicker lid, pulled it out and then found herself greeted by a tiny, furry black head which popped out of the basket. I opened my basket (the one with a red ribbon) and found an all-white puppy cowering inside, a Spitz-Pomeranian I later named Sandy.

It would take me years later to realize that the red glow I was pointing to in the sky as Santa's sleigh was a signal light in a communications antenna and that, yes, my mom indeed had a future as an actress. What made my parents spill the truth beans about Santa, you may ask. Well, when I was 10, I got the toy catalogue for Strawberry Shortcake and I wrote Santa one letter after another, asking him if I could have the Betty Crocker baking oven or the electric-operated ice cream maker. Apparently the toys were a little too pricey and my parents had to disappoint me lest I burned a hole in their bank accounts.

As much as I love receiving gifts, I particularly enjoy giving them as well. Actually, I look forward to Christmas not because of the gifts I'm bound to get but because of the gifts I'll be giving to family and friends. I love to watch the recipients open their wrapped presents and wait for their reactions once the ribbons are off and the boxes are opened. I love to watch their faces light up like a light bulb - like the grin my dad gives when I get him a shirt meant for yuppies, the expression on my mom's face when I give her something she has always wanted to get herself or the amused look my grandfather gives me when I give him something funny. After all, I spend the entire year keeping my ears wide open, hoping to catch a drift of what they need or want. I love watching kids rip candy wrappers apart with huge grins in their faces. I enjoy watching eyes, fingers and smiles in endless combinations whether or not the "thank you's" come afterwards.

I guess it has to do with the fact that I've been in the receiving end a little bit too much so I need not just to pay back but also, as the movie goes, pay it forward. The gifts come from deep within a very, very, very thankful person.

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Gold, frankincense and and myrrh were the gifts the three wise men brought for the child Jesus. These were gifts fit for a king. Or so they thought.

Come to think of it, I don't think there is a gift on this planet which would be worthy to lay down on the feet of the King. I was sitting alone in my room, in the quietness of the night, thinking about this. What gift would be fit for my King? Actually, there is none because everything falls short of His glory and majesty. He created all things, all things were made by Him and for Him. Yet God chooses to accept whatever we offer at His feet as long as it is given with a pure heart. Abel's sheep was the equivalent of the magi's gifts. The poor widow's few pennies were as valuable to him as a rich man's gold coins. The shepherds who were the infant Jesus' first visitors did not carry with them any gifts of material value but the worship and adoration they brought with them were more than enough.

Aside from the fact that they were bearing gifts which were of no compare to the King's majesty, I am not sure exactly how long it took for the magi to realize that they were actually not the gift givers. They, along with the rest of mankind, were the recipients of the ultimate gift of sacrifice - a babe born out of God's immense love.

Merry Christmas everyone!