Family

This entry is long overdue but I always found a lot of reasons hinderimg me from writing it...such as an interesting book to read, three nieces to hang out with, Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice's new albums to lip-synch to...and did I mention a new puppy to play "Catch Mom's Fake Plastic Orange" with?

Then my grandfather got sick two weeks ago, was discharged a week later and was later wheeled back in the week after. There I found time to write about this...rather than watch "New York Minute" being replayed five times. Then I myself got sick...and had to rest for a couple of days...but decided I had to finish this even if my mom thinks this entry is...like leftover food. But, my Mamang always told me to finish the stories I write, no matter how long it took, and she was always patiently waiting to read the finished product. I'm sure she'll be reading this. She always loved reading stories.

For the past couple of months, I had been looking forward to January of this year. It has been a couple of years since I last saw my relatives from the US and Canada. I have a rather large family, especially when viewed from Western standards and very tightly knit at that. But then, what Filipino family isn't?

My cousin Denise dropped by in the middle of January. My lack of an older sibling has always had me considering all older cousins as big brother/big sister types. Among all of my cousins in the paternal side, I think she has visited us the most, about four times ever since I could remember. She stays for a week at the least and has met all of the dogs we've had (and we've had a lot).

Denise had a pretty jampacked schedule this time so she was unable to stay no more than three days, which she herself found a little weird. No matter, I resolved we were going to have a great time no matter how short.

Denise and I went to Boracay to do the entire cousin bonding exercise. Besides she was in need of much R&R, given the frenzy of Manila. The sun was obscured by the clouds on our first day but eventually decided to take centerstage on our second day. Denise was hellbent on getting a tan since she noticed her feet were as white as the Boracay sand. I was not too eager on the entire sunbathing thing since my skin is overly congested with melanin so I found a nice place for my overheated derrier under a coconut tree. Denise also had her massage by the beach and a glass of cool mango shake. Swimming was a given. The cool water was so inviting given the intense heat I could almost swear I could see steam rise from my skin as we sank deeper into the water. She also bought a lot of stuff in D Mall like swimsuits and seashell necklaces.

We had an acoustic night by the beach where we got to hear songs from the Eagles and the Bee Gees thanks to cool renditions from a Gollum look-alike who sported uber long hair up to his waist. On our second night, we wanted to go to the underground disco near Regency but Denise got too attached to her pillow, she never got out till morning.

The thing about cousins growing up apart is that you never really realize how much you have changed until you see each other again. When we were younger, I remember my sister and I used to teach Denise how to eat balut, a delicacy which she believes should be eaten in the dark confines of the bathroom. She introduced me to Austin Powers and for a time, we both swooned over the Backstreet Boys, along with her sister Raina. I remember numerous trips to the beach with her and her sisters, the last time being a good six to eight years ago. She had burnt herself to a crisp toast, "as red as a tomato," if I remember my sister's words correctly, because she refused to slathe sunblock on herself. I cannot really remember what we talked about while hanging out by the beach except that my sister and I were at fault for a sleepless night she had to endure thanks to our animated tales on the diverse taxonomy of Philippine creatures of the dark.

Our conversation this time has certainly taken a turn for the mature. We discussed our careers (in my case, career options) and our priorities in our lives. We talked about family, our friends, her take on relationships and mine, our regrets and things we look forward to. There was less talk on mythological beings with a head of a horse and a body of man but we did settle for the mundane...like deciding if a guy on the beach was gay or if the scuba diving instructor who just passed us was cute.

On Denise's last night before heading back to Manila, we went on another night out to listen to alternative music in a local bar. She found the guitarist cute and I shame myself since I still have been unsuccessful in my attempts to get his name. She found their rendition of Alamid's "Your Love" to be pretty good although she was disappointed because they did not do a Filipino song she had been singing for the past few weeks: "Pare Ko" from the Eraserheads. My guitar was on sick leave then, one string dangerously on the verge of snapping. Maybe we can sing our own version when she comes back this December for her sarong...and another Boracay trip.

Just two weeks after Denise, more relatives arrived. Dad's older sisters Tita Val and Tita Nadi along with my grandmother's sister Auntie Lina and my dad's cousin Tita Agnes, who came with her husband, Tito Steve. It was Tito Steve's first visit to the Philippines. Denise and I were talking about it in Boracay and I was planning on calling him "Tyong" but I changed my mind at the last minute. I didn't want to scare him or anything. I should have realized Tito Steve was not THAT easy to scare. Actually, he was what my sister and I would call an "ideal visitor." He was willing to try almost anything, from climbing coconut trees (with sandals on, I might add) to all the gastronomic delights and horrors the Philippines had to offer. I tried telling him spooky Philippine ghost stories to render him insomniac just like what we did with Denise but I could tell he found the entire idea of a vampire with an unusually long tongue flying in the middle of the night with just half a body completely un-scary...actually more of silly. Now THAT was just kewl.

My aunts (who I shall refer to in the succeeding paragraphs as Katitahan, Inc.) were still so much fun to be with, given the fact that they have the most diverse personalities ever. Tita Agnes was still the uber fashionista while Auntie Lina was the shopping guru who always managed to get the best buy in terms of prices. I'm trying to refine my haggling skills thanks to her tutelage. Tita Nadi reminded me most of my Mamang for a lot of reasons - the way she talked, the way her hair was curly, the way she appreciated things in a very quiet manner. Tita Val was still as bubbly and effervescent as ever (not only because of her hair), despite her worsening allergies.

To relate everything chronologically would be almost be like the epic of Gilgamesh in proportion so I won't go into that. Instead I constructed my own glossary to remember the highlights better. The vocabulary is very much open to additions..which should be sometime in January 2007?

*ADING
Conventional definition - A Pangasinan term for calling a younger brother or sister.

Alternative definition - Dad and Tita Nadi to Tita Val.

*ANNEX
Conventional definition - An extension of a building or a structure

Alternative sefinition - Annex is the videoke bar where we all trooped for a night of music before Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve left for Manila. Dad opened with his rendition of Elton John's "Skyline Pigeon." A little while later, everybody was singing to songs from The Platters, BeeGees, Abba and the Beatles while I tried to prevent myself from time travelling by selecting songs from Kitchie Nadal and Christian Bautista. Why! Even Tita Vilma was surprised that Tita Nadi stood up and sang!!!

*ATIS
Conventional definition - A roundish, green fruit with a rather mottled skin characterized by uniform bumps all over it.

Alternative definition - My Lolo had this in his backyard and Tita Agnes screamed when she saw it...not because it was scary but because she had not eaten atis in the longest time. Too bad it was not ripe yet, though.

*BANANA BOAT
Conventional definition - Tube shaped ride where a speedboat does the tugging through the water

Alternative definition - The ride Tita Agnes and I failed to get on in Boracay.

*BORACAY
Conventional definition - Also known as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world because of the clear blue water and the fine white sand. Tourists from all over the country and all over the world abound and it was rumored that Kwon Sang Woo had been there last year for a photoshoot.

Alternative definition - But Boracay is more popularly recognized by Katitahan, Inc. as one of the best shopping places ever. Actually, my aunts spend more time shopping there than swimming! The favorite hangout was *D Mall and of course, *D Talipapa.

*BUS
Conventional definition - Medium of transport to Boracay. Holds about 80 people and plays nothing but action movies all the way to Caticlan, especially butt-kicking flicks from Steven Seagal and Van Damme.

Alernative definition - Showcased my family's volume...not volume as in content but volume as in sound. All the way to Caticlan, my dad chatted it up with Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve. Even the bus conductors decided they were a lot more enertaining than Steven Seagal! Please, no contest!

*CHIMES
Conventional definition - Hollow, metal tubes you can hang by your window so that when the wind blows, a tinkering sound can be heard.

Alternative definition - Tita Nadi hunted for this in *D Talipapa and brought a nice one home. It was shaped like a birdhouse and was made of brown wood.

*CHOPSTICKS
Conventional definitin - Long, thin pieces of wood which look like bamboo skewers usually used for eating meals in East Asian countries.

Alternative definition - Tita Val's preferred cutlery in Thai restaurant which renders her completely silent for the longest time...because she has been eating more than usual.

*CRABS
Conventional definition - Dark colored crustaceans with great tasting meat which turn red orange when cooked. If the meat is heavenly, don't even get me started on the crab fat. *stomach grumbles*

Alternative definition - Subject of eating contest between Auntie Lina and Tita Val. Crab shells and other discards were piled on the placemats like mini red versions of the Tower of Babel. Tita val was getting allergies as red as the cooked crabs but still she insists "It's not the crabs!"

*FIVE (DAYS AND CAMERAS)
Conventional Definition - A number which comes after four and leads to six.

Alternative Definition - Number of days Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve stayed with us...and oh yes, the number of cameras I had to click for every photo op.

*FOOD
Conventional Definition - The number one requirement for staying alive.

Alternative Definition - The number one reason why Katitahan, Inc. and Tito Steve gained serious poundage according to our weiging scale (which has been mercilessly accused of being faulty).

*GOLD
Conventional Definition - Yellow, shiny metal which fetches huge sums of money anywhere.

Alternative Definition - Current color of Tita Val's hair.

*HALO-HALO
Conventional Definition - Filipino dessert which consists of an odd but delicious mixture of ice, milk, sugar, ice cream, corn kernels, nata de coco and cornflakes.

Alternative Definition - Reason why Auntie Lina, Tita Val, Tita Nadi and I walked all the way to Station 3...and we passed by some really cool sand art too!

*KAMATSILE
Conventional Definition - Thin, elongated fruit characterized by about three or four bulges along its entire length. Green in color but turns red when ripe.

Alternative Definition - The other fruit which Tita Agnes has not eaten in more than two decades.

*KAMOTE
Conventional Definition - Local term for sweet potato.

Alternative Definition - Voted everybody's favorite breakfast. Katitahan, Inc.'s fascination for kamote truly amazed everybody. Auntie Lina brought the rest of the kamote on the flight home with her to give to Tita Vilma.

*"KILL HIM"
Conventional Definition - Two-word sentence which can be applicable to a variety of scenarios - from execution scenes in movies to guys who don't respect their women.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's battle cry while watching the Manny Pacquiao-Erik Morales slugfest in Las Vegas.

*LAUGHTER
Conventional Definition - Usual reaction to a hilarious situation which can range from modest, dalang Pilipina soft giggling to jaw-wagging boisterousness akin to epilepsy.

Alternative Definition - Heard this non-stop from everybody for five whole days...and missed hearing it several days later when everybody had gone.

*LOVERS IN PARIS
Conventional Definition - Korean TV serial which scored phenomenal ratings in its home country. Eventually imported by the Philippines, turning its lead stars into everybody's favorite on-screen pair.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val boarded the plane back home without seeing how this series ended.

*MAMANG & PAPANG
Conventional Definition - My dearly missed grandparents.

Alternative Definition - Everybody's favorite topic. Dad would unceasingly relate how Tita Nadi would try to avoid getting her cute little butt spanked by Mamang which got everybody roaring...and Auntie Lina telling my Dad to leave her sister in peace in heaven. Don't worry Auntie, Mamang loved being reminded of those naughty little details when she was alive.

*MANNY PACQUIAO
Conventional Definition - Current Filipino boxing hero from General Santos City. Sports a moustache and recently figured in an alleged adultery scandal.

Alternative Definition - Partly the cause for a highly tense yet extremely boisterous Sunday in my grandparents' home. The other reason was Tita Val who completely forgot about her allergies and looked like she could take on Mexican champ Erik Morales herself, what with all her shouting and fist-waving. The excitement of the boxing bout left Tita Val hoarse...and Tita Nadi and Auntie Lina in stitches.

*MS. BORACAY ISLAND GIRL
Conventional Definition - None

Alternative Definition - Boracay beauty pageant of my invention which pitted Auntie Lina, Tita Val, Tita Nadi and Tita Agnes against each other...the winner was no one other than Auntie Lina because of her unique taste in fashion!

*"OH MY GOD"
Conventional Definition - Expression of Western origin used during moments of extreme emotion like happiness, fear or anger.

Alternative Definition - What was basically heard when great food was on the table usually from Tita Agnes or Tita Val...synonymous with kamote, milkfish, atis, kamatsile and the sea bass....and oh yeah, also for every song the bearded restaurant singer did in Boracay (see "Only You").

*"ONLY YOU"
Conventional Definition - Old song originally done by the Platters and most recently by Pinoy Big Brother alum Sam Milby who, by the way, looks simply gorgeous in person (yes, I saw him in the flesh).

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's theme song in Boracay. On our first night in Boracay, we were having dinner in this all-you-can-eat restaurant which also featured a singer doing his own rendition of old songs. Everybody loved the songs (I have to say I was enjoying the Bee Gees hits) and Tita Val was getting sentimental because she started to miss Tito Ernie and wanted to dance with him. Later on he did another slow but danceable song which got Tita Val and Auntie Lina dancing. The singer realized he had an appreciative audience so he dedicated the next song - "Only You" - to Tita Val.

*PEARLS
Conventional Definition - Round object (usually beige in color but may come in shades of light pink or black among others) which is formed when oysters get irritated

Alternative Definition - Boracay is known to be a source of cheap pearls so everybody was on the lookout for a good deal.

*PIGLET
Conventional Definition - Offspring of a pig...looks the same and smells the same but a heck lot cuter.

Alternative Definition - Tita Val's preferred toilet companion (see "Toilet").

*QUEQUERO
Conventional Definition - Flat silver or dark-colored fish with spiny things along its back. Great for lunch when grilled...and for dinner as tinola or sinigang.

Alternative Definition - Tita Agnes' favorite fish...need I say more?

*RED
Conventional Definition - Outermost color in the rainbow usually associated with war, love and lobster.

Alternative Definition - Would refer to Tito Steve's face after a couple of weeks stay in the Philippines...and yes, the color of Tita Nadi's blouse in Boracay which always got my lola whispering to me: "Your Tita is soooo fair!"

*SARONG
Conventional Definition - Multi-colored, tie-dyed wrap with fringes in both ends which can come either long or short.

Alternative Definition - Auntie Lina's weapon of choice in the Ms. Island Girl Beauty Pageant which she tied around her waist...which made her win the pageant (according to the inventor...me)!

*SEA BASS
Conventional Definition - Carnivorous fish which lives in saltwater

Alternative Definition - Tito Steve's favorite fish...need I say more?

*SHARK
Conventional Definition - One of the most-feared sea creatures popularly identified because of its fin and is known for its sharp teeth and voracious appetite

Alternative Definition - The usual reference to the fish raised by my grandfather

*TOILET
Conventional Definition - The place where people do Number 1 and Number 2.

Alternative Definition - This is my favorite among all the terms in this glossary. The appearance of the toilet could vary, depending on where you are at that moment. It appears like the conventional tiled room with the huge mirrors if you're in houses or buildings like offices, malls, schools, churches, etc. But if you're in the most rural of areas, it consists nothing more than a shallow hole dug in the ground with a bunch of dried palm leaves to cover it. To give you some privacy, a make-shift wall made of cogon and palm does the trick...this is the toilet I have in mind now.

When we made our first bathroom stop in Dumarao, Capiz on our way to Boracay, everybody went to the bathroom except my mom, Tita Val and me. Soon the bathroom stops became less frequent and Tita Val began to feel her bladder was on the verge of bursting. We asked the driver when the next bathroom stop would be and he told me it would be in the bus terminal in Kalibo which would be about an hour away. Tita Val felt that she could not hold on for an hour so I asked the bus conductor if they could stop somewhere just so she could relieve herself. They stopped by a vendor's makeshift booth where she was selling eggs, balut and other kinds of food. They allowed us to use their toilet which was located out back near the trees. Tita Nadi and I accompanied Tita Val. It was raining so the ground was muddy and slippery. Tita Val was shouting from inside the toilet that the entire experience (in terms of visual, olfactory, auditory...you name it) of relieving herself was not pleasant at all. Tita Nadi and I were bursting in fits of laughter it probably appeared to the people on the bus we were having an epilepsy attack. What's worse, tied just a few feet away from Tita Val was a piglet which did nothing but stare at her the whole time.

*TRAPEZE
Conventional Definition - An acrobatic stunt performed in circuses which has people throwing themselves at each other while hanging on to a swing by their arms and/or legs.

Alternative Definition - Coined by Tita Val and Tita Nadi, "trapeze" is now a word used to mean "bagets." For instance, when I lent them loose shorts which were hand-me-downs from cousin Cheryl, I told them they looked "bagets" which loosely translates to "groovy" or "young". The next thing I know, they were calling themselves "trapeze" because they forgot the word I used.

*TUKO
Conventional Definition - Local term for "gecko."

Alternative Definition - The tuko is believed to have populated Boracay before it was commercialized. Now a local artist handpaints bags and T-shirts with pictures of the tuko...like the nice white T-shirt Tita Agnes bought in Boracay.

*TUYO
Conventional Definition - Dried, salted fish which is great for breakfast when paired with fried rice and fried egg.

Alternative Definition - Auntie Lina's favorite fish which, unfortunately, was unavaible during her visit.

*WHEN
Conventional Definition - Usually used to inquire about a particular point in time

Alternative Definition - The beginning word of the question I asked myself when my mom, dad and I drove everybody in the early morning to the airport (wasn't even sure if my tears were from the yawning or the crying): "When will we see each other again?"