Note: I wrote this Thursday night but never did get to post it. I was in a great Valentine's Day gathering last Friday where Enchang Kaimo gave a powerful testimony, I decided to post this here.
Now that it's Thursday and all the bruhaha about love and Valentine's Day has dissipated, I figured today should be the best time ever to write about it for two reasons: first, the Valentine's Day mania is headed downhill so I doubt if anybody would be interested in my attempt to be...er...touchy-cheesy and second, matters of the heart are always given serious thought.
People might think that Valentine's Day is only for couples and those who are in relationships. Single people are almost immediately viewed as Valentine's Day scrooges who, as a local newspaper writer so humorously put it, spend the Day of Hearts holed up in their couches eating chips while watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy. For my part, I was holed up in my couch, in between case readings, watching a snowy reception of American Idol just to see who would make Top 24. But, like what I told another friend of mine, Valentine's Day is also a day to celebrate being single - if we were to stretch the concept a little bit. They say Valentine's Day is all about love. I am not sure if many people would realize this but single people have a whole lot of lovin' going around actually. They see love in a different way, I believe - love for family, love for friends, love for the Creator, love for simply being alive.
Em and I were on our way home from Paranaque about a month ago. We were stuck in traffic which was a good thing since we could talk about a lot of things and not worry about getting into a vehicular accident. She told me that she never realized until now how good it felt to be unattached at our age (yep we're nearing our mid-20s), that we could engage in a variety of activities as much as you can and, in the process, get to know and help other people while also getting to know yourself a lot better in a whole new perspective. I was then immediately launched into a time warp back to that one day when I was in my grandfather's office with two second cousins who I will call G and S. G is in her late 20s and my grandmother was especially astounded by the fact that at her age, G had remained unattached and had the prospect of settling down farthest from her mind. My grandmother kept on calling her a spinster which got all of us snickering - until she pointed to S and me and told us we were headed that way too.
Timing has always been of the essence in almost anything. For instance in a musical score, all the notes are played one after another in a sequence, each note being given a special designation at some point in time when it should be played. If there were no such thing, all the notes would be dumped in a heap, each getting played in a wanton matter. The result? Pure, unadulterated musical disaster to put it lightly.
Falling in love and being in a relationship with somebody has to enter the picture at the right time also. It saddens me to see that some people I know are in a relationship because of the wrong reasons like, for instance, because the environment seems to dictate that people at this point in time or at this age should be in such a relationship.
Like what Em said, being single is just great, to put it simply. I am sometimes astounded by the time I have in my hands right now and the myriads of things I can do with it like study (boring!), go grocery shopping with my mom, buy an ice cream with dad at midnight, meditate, read a good book, remove weeds from the yard, help out in the office, learn guitar on my own, write, play with my nieces and nephews, join a small group, serve in church in any way, watch a movie with my sister, spring clean my room, laugh it up with my grandparents, teach, figure out CSS, attempt to declog the sink, take pictures, clean the car, talk with a friend I have not conversed with in a long time, sing in the shower, bike with a couple of friends, etc. The list is endless. Such things give me my happiness and my fulfillment that I desire for nothing else at the moment. It's like what one of my good friends (who has been in a pretty good and strong relationship for a number of years) said to me: "To each his own. You find fulfillment in what you do, I find fulfillment in what I do." I find mine in a smile.
When I was fourteen and in my sophomore year in high school, one of my afternoon classes was Values Ed. For four years of what could be the best time of my life, I went to a public/secular high school so any religion class was prohibited but a Values class was in our curriculum to take its place. My teacher Ma'am Ocampo told our class that we should look at such relationships through a long-term perspective, not just for the next couple of months or the next year or couple of years. "You should ask yourself objectively whether you can see that person in your future," she repeated. I remember Sue glancing at me (she sat directy in front of me) and me glancing at Doi (she sat directly behind me) when Ma'am Ocampo said that.
I guess that basically sums up my take on relationships. There is always a perfect timing for everything and waiting is the best part. Being involved with someone in an exclusive relationship takes a lot of commitment and a lot of effort and if you are not willing to give any of that at the moment, you have no right demanding exclusivity from that other person. When you're in a relationship with someone, you give a part of yourself to that person, you share your time and you start to share a part of your life with that person because of the view of...well, what goes beyond next month or next year or three years from now. Being involved with someone and staying committed to that person can be a delightful experience but it is a huge risk in itself that one of my favorite poems, the eternally beautiful He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by W.B. Yeats, makes a perfect fit:
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
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