Watercolors

When I was a little girl, I was so utterly convinced that I was a gifted painter and was destined to be the next Claude Monet or someone of that calibre. I always had this thin, rectangular watercolor palette between my fingers (I even remember the brand: Artex) and I spent endless hours lying on our wooden floor, swirling colors on paper after paper after paper.
Once, I left one of my "masterpieces" out in the garage to dry. About half an hour later, I heard rain pummelling our roof and I immediately thought about the "painting" I had left outside to bake. I watched in horror as the fat drops of water crashed into the piece of paper like bombs, each one literally exploding into a gazillion microscopic droplets of color.
The rain eventually ceased its campaign on my artwork and all I had left was a drenched piece of paper with some streaks of color here and there. Everything I had painstakingly drawn was gone. As I peeled the wet paper off the cemented path, I stopped to examine what was left. Right under the paper lay an entire spectrum of colors glistening in the sunlight. The rain had washed away the watercolor from the paper but a significant amount of it was trapped under the wet paper. The myriad of colors on the cement path, a harmonious medley of blues with greens, reds topped with yellows and purples highlighted with pinks, was a far more beautiful sight than my attempt at a painting. A couple of minutes later, I watched as the watercolors slowly started to disappear as more water from all corners began to spread itself over the area, stripping my personal rainbow of its very essence. After a couple more minutes, the colors were gone.
Yesterday, on the day of hearts, I saw those colors once again almost immediately after the lives of two well-loved people ended in a manner more vicious than torrents of rain attacking a helpless piece of paper. In the morning of February 14th, one of the pastors in our church, Rev. Kevin Alamag and his wife Belle were killed when a passenger bus slammed into their Nissan Sentra in that junction in Commonwealth and Tandang Sora in Quezon City. He was 37 and she was 46, parents to two very young children below the age of 12. They were both literally rays of sunshine. Ate Belle, as she was known in church, was always radiant and I could never picture her without her warm smile. Pastor Kevin was enlightening. He was profound in his speech, meticulous in his work, passionate about his country and consumed with his love for the Lord. He was dedicated to the ministry and I almost always imagined him outrunning the Energizer bunny anytime anywhere. They were both as vibrant as midsummer's day.
Then they were gone. It was just a couple of weeks ago that I sat in a meeting with him in the church choir room and he was plopping one butterscotch after another into his mouth while announcing, "This would be great with coffee." Just like that, just like watercolors disappearing into flowing water.
I've been to a lot of funerals and I usually hear a lot of this: "He was a good man," or "She helped me in this way." Maybe it's just me, but I rarely hear about people talking about going beyond the act of helping by actually touching people, by connecting with them. I don't know if there should be a distinction since helping partakes of an element of giving some part of one's self away but I think there are certain ways of helping wherein you go beyond what is required and actually make a commitment to another person. It's like that line from a song by Nicole Nordeman: "I wanna leave a legacy, how will they remember me? Did I choose to love?" That kind of love rivals rainbows and miles of wildflowers.
My friend Banana (who's now on another offshore project in Vegas) was more alarmed. "It's so weird," she said. "He ministered to us in my mom's funeral service last year and he even attended her burial on February 14. Exactly a year after, he's gone."
My cousin Tren was one of the many people Pastor Kevin ministered to in Church of the Risen Lord. Pastor Kevin apparently led their Bible study group. She called him "PK" (as opposed to my more formal way of addressing him). "He taught us so many things," she said as she ended her text to me with a ':(.'
It was one of my classmates who was deeply affected by Pastor Kevin's untimely death. She headed a bible study group with Him in Church of the Risen Lord and much of what I know about Pastor Kevin's life and testimony I learned from her. Once, she told me a rather interesting story. When he was with CRL, Pastor Kevin used to drop off some of the members of his bible study group in their homes, my friend included. He would insist that all of them would sit in the backseat, leaving the front seat vacant. "He didn't care if he would end up looking like a driver," she related. My classmate asked him why and he answered that the seat was reserved only for Ate Belle.
It was her thoughts after I told her that he died which made me believe that there was a semblance of beauty in the midst of a death as a tragic as his and Ate Belle's. "He believed in me," she said of Pastor Kevin. "He was the kind of person who wanted to be proud of you."
And the stories abound, enough to rival rainbows and miles of wildflowers even as watercolors disappear into the flush.

Rev. Kevin and Belle Alamag's memorial service at the
Church of the Risen Lord earlier tonight

2007 in a Nutshell

2007 in a Nutshell

What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
1. Bring the car I drive to the carshop because someone tried to dismantle the door lock and probably spirit it away...
2. Freak out because someone tried to break into my apartment on the very same week that we almost lost the car...
3. Buy makeup... (believe it or not...)

and in less dramatic circumstances...

4. Assist a couple of lawyers as a paralegal during an all-nighter election canvassing (a.k.a. "glorified alalay")

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes I did. I'd say I was more productive this year and I got better with the entire time management thing but procrastinating is still a challenge especially when the pillows start cooing you away from the readings on the study table. *sigh*

Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Manang Maya gave birth to (currently) my youngest niece Patricia Aimee.

Did anyone close to you die?
1. My grandmother's sister Lola Moning
2. My friend Anna's mother Celine Nieveras
3. Our (my sister and I) former ballet teacher Dr. Luisa Pollentes
4. My doggie Eunchae

What countries did you visit?
None this time around...maybe in 2008? :) 2007 was a year to reacquaint myself with my country and I have to say, I loved what I saw! Mom and I are now planning to drive all the way from Sagada down to Mindanao.

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
I guess...greater degree of fearlessness and still lots more faith.

What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 5, 2007 (Good Friday) - Doi, one of my best friends, got married. I wonder who'll go next.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Definitely surviving my first round recit in Civ Pro.

What was your biggest failure?
Choosing not to speak up when it was the right thing to do.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got sick with the flu twice in 2007...
except for that and needing to upgrade my eyeglasses/contacts...nothing serious.

What was the best thing you bought?
A toss up between Grubby, my "very masculine" prosumer camera, and two pairs of branded jeans at only P300 each!

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sister...one brave kid passing through!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Appalled? Someone named Peter. :/ Depressed? My grandfather. Ask him coz he knows why. ;)

Where did most of your money go?
PHOTOCOPIES!!!!!!!!!!! :/ And, earlier in the year, isaw. I swore off them by mid-2007 thanks to Kuya Stan's side comment that for a cheap price, I was also getting free hepatitis.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going on a grand vacation to Cebu with my grandparents...and quiet afternoons in Megamall with Krispy Kreme donuts.

I relished my dates with Krispy Kreme and the afternoon sun in Megamall in early 2007.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
Marie Digby's version of Umbrella and Top of the World by the Carpenters

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- happier
ii. thinner or fatter? -- thinner...then fatter...see-sawing like crazy!
iii. richer or poorer? -- hopefully richer! :)

What do you wish you'd done more?
I wish I wrote more.

*Sigh* Here's to wishing 2007 consisted of less pillows and more paper.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Seriously, in retrospect, I wish I slept less. But then, sleep IS a physiological need and you can't go on thinking "I shouldn't sleep" when all your head wants is to smother itself in that soft pillow and you've been seeing "3:00" twice a day too often.

What was your favorite TV program?
Goong and Heroes!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

What was the best book you read?
Toss up between For One More Day by Mitch Albom and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (loads of thanks to Venice!)

What was your greatest musical discovery?
That after years of singing Sop2 I can manage to sing Alto parts...with the occasional need to cover one of my ears, of course! HAHA!

What did you want and get?
A Love Actually DVD courtesy of my sister!

What was your favorite film of this year?
Stardust! *sigh* It's the perfect movie to watch with your single best friend who, like you, is in dire need of a life outside her books. :p

"Stardust" was a pleasant surprise whereas "One More Chance"
just didn't do it for me.

What was the worst film you saw this year?
One More Chance (that John Lloyd-Bea Starrer)...actually IT WASN'T THAT BAD to merit the tag "worst film of the year"...I just didn't get to see a lot of films this year and the movie went a little overboard on publicity.

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 24 and I had two surprises: a birthday cake from classmates, the candles of which I blew out in the classroom right before Property class and a birthday dinner with Harvest and people from Crossover courtesy of my GG-mates! :)

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
*bawling* SEEING JOSH GROBAN IN PERSON!!!!!!!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Well, the bigger shirts, the better! But I'm becoming more of a girl...yearend saw me buying two dresses.

What kept you sane?
My Bible! :)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Masi Oka! I wish I could stop time and pinch his face 'till his eyes disappear!

2007 meant saying "konichiwa" to Masi Oka, bidding Benazir Bhutto farewell
and wishing Josh Groban didn't charge life and limb for concert tickets.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Benazir Bhutto's assassination ("What a way to end the year!") along with the entire ZTE brouhaha and election-rigging charges ("Ohmigoodness...when will all this come to an end?"). A close runner-up was Erap's conviction and subsequent pardon ("After reading all those cases, it call comes down to this.").

Who did you miss?
Jackie, Zaila and Anne, my GG-mates who are now in Holland, Riyadh and the US, respectively.

Who was the best new person you met?
I guess, Atty. D. Disini. My 1st sem notebook is scrawled with all his "quotable quotes." For instance, wanna know the difference between a lady and a woman?

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
The most generous of hearts can be found among the most needy of people. :) A little lesson I learned from 'Nong Tiops.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
From someone I had not seen in more than a year: she told me that I made her life better. That felt nice.

The most touching experience you've had this year?
When I was helping my niece with her homework over the phone and she told me she'd still love me even if I screw up her scores in her assignments "because you're my manang." I just loooove being an aunt!

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I'm getting good with this time management thing!

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
Something my mom calls "worry-wartism." :p

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You,
I will go through the fire if You want me to."

"It may not be the way I would have chosen,
When You lead me through a world that's not my home.
But You never said it would be easy,
You only said I'd never go alone."

Was 2007 a good year for you?
YES!

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Again another toss-up between...

1. Hanging out with my cousins (and meeting my two nieces Cherlyze and Cienna for the first time) in January of this year - (in chronological order) - Cheryl, Denise, Michael, Jennifer, Joanna, Stephanie, James Daniel, Dorothy and Joseph...anywhere from my aunt's house in Fairview to Dulcinea Morato and Jack's Loft, Eastwood!

2. And a getaway trip with my mom, dad and sister to Bohol and Cebu last May! Disappearing just like that made me feel cool...and powerful! Heehee!

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Spending the entire month of April holed up in my room, memorizing Oblicon stuff and lots of Latin whereas my sister was already at home enjoying the sun and surf!

Where were you when 2007 began?
In my grandparents' home

Who were you with?
With my family and some of my cousins

Where will you be when 2007 ends?
As usual, still in my grandparents' home

Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
With my grandparents, my family and cousins

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2008?
To continue working on becoming the best person I can be!

What was your favorite month of 2007?
December! Because mom and I didn't have time to go out and buy gifts for the entire family, I made about six batches of our signature Christmas dessert (a.k.a. black sambo...it's called BLACK SAMBO, okay?) for all my aunts and uncles and, proud to say, it was unanimously voted as a best-seller.

Maybe I can start selling these when I don't make any
money sometime in the future. *teehee*

What was your favorite record from 2007?
Carie Underwood's Carnival Ride

How many concerts did you see in 2007?
One! My sister and I watched Don Moen in Araneta. :)

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2007?
No.

Do a lot of drugs in 2007?
Just lots of mefenamic acid. :p

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
As always, yes. :( Like cry while doing something utterly silly like reading the final installment of Harry Potter! :p

How much money did you spend in 2007?
I know a huge chunk of my savings went to buying Grubby!

What was your proudest moment of 2007?
Seeing my grades for freshman year...I passed them all!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
In Insurance class for our first recit...I was sitting five rows from the front and our prof (who was the former Dean) was running his fingers through the class list to pick out an interesting name to recite.

He roars out my last name.

I stand automatically as if 1000 volts of electricity shot up my spine and everything I own - pens, notebooks, papers and my huge, heavy folder - crashes to the floor.

He screamed, "PATRICIA!"

I slither back into my chair like a jellyfish, too relieved for words as I'm thinking, "YES! That's not my name!"

Too late.

My prof stared at me through narrowed eyes and bellowed "AHA! SOOOO YOU'RRRRE NOT RRRRREADYYYY???"

I then spend the next minute stammering that I share the same surname with someone named "Patricia." As the real Patricia goes up to the microphone to answer the questions about to be fielded, I'm down on all fours, picking up every pen, paper and notebook strewn on the floor as three sophomore classes sit there, all witnesses to my circus and my shaking knees.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
I wish I could have gone back to the day (rather, night!) of my Oblicon orals and thought of a more interesting example to give my professor as an answer to his question instead of pointing out the stuffed chickens on top of his closet.

What are your plans for 2008?
1. Write and speak more "lyrical" Hiligaynon :p
2. Really do certain things, especially significant ones, instead of just planning to do them.
3. Become less of a control freak. I've been working on that and I'd say that has diminished to a significant extent since I was in high school but I still need to work on effortlessly riding and rolling with the waves.
4. Sit down and take a really deep, meaningful breath. :) Mayla says I BADLY need one.
5. Graduate from making desserts to cooking real food. :p

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I've become more introspective. I've never really been a loner but I realize I've spent more time alone this year than at any other point in my life. Come to think of it, I actually relish those moments when I am with me, myself and I when I can shut the world out an just go for a long, quiet walk or sit in a corner of a crowded food stall with my tocilog and open textbook as Queen blares "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the background.

What are your wishes for the new year?
I wish the year would see me passing all my subjects and I hope my schedule would still be friendly enough for me to spend time with ministry. I'm praying for good health for myself and for my family, especially my grandparents. I'm hoping for new windows to open and new avenues to explore.

Favorite Snapshots

What I love best about having a high-res camera on my phone is capturing anything which strikes my fancy almost anytime and in almost any place. I go through the pictures and go "Oh yeah, that was the day when..." Then everything starts rushing back to me like a kayak going "whoosh" down a river.

When I was a kid, the only fun thing with cameras was the snapping sound which came when the shutter button was pressed. Thank my best friend Sue for dragging me out of the house on one really hot summer day to take pictures. As we stood near the city capitol waiting for a jeep, a group of Aeta children started pulling at our T-shirts with their hands, asking for money. On our way home a little while later, I was astounded when all that Sue could mutter to herself was "I should have taken a picture of those children." It took me a while to understand her but now I do.

The camera lens has become a window between two captives.

My favorite captured moments of 2007, courtesy of my trusty camera phone and Grubby (click thumbnails for bigger versions):

I've always believed that no two
sunsets are the same. Each one
is always a sight to behold and nothing is
spared from basking in its glorious glow.
Taken May 1997 on my way home
one afternoon.

Aslan Marie on one of her naughty days.
She was given to us by my Tita Marie (hence
second name) as a Christmas gift.

"Salt of the earth, light of the world."
Table decorations during our class Christmas Party
last December (Maia's handiwork).

A place I'll always call home.
One of my favorite shots of my
sister and Aslan outside my
grandparents' house.

Dead pig walking.
My dad brought me to see the
2-month old pig(let) he was planning
to roast for lechon during the holidays.
The pig kept on poking her snout
at my leg and when I bent to take
her picture, she stayed still! Needless
to say, lunch the next day was an
unpleasant experience.

The most beautiful things come in
small packages.
A butterfly in the Mambukal Butterfly
Farm, Murcia, Negros Occidental.
Taken October 2007.



Don't let me get me.
A little boy in the airport
who sat a few meters away from
me. He was actually enamored with
the airplane outside.

Eye see you.
Although this picture leaves
much to be desired, I never thought I'd
get this close to a dragonfly but
I did! Taken near the boating
lagoon in Mambukal.

Never too far.
Two herons looking for food on
one really hot day.

Natural little gymnast.
A little sparow tries to do some
scratching while perched
on an electric wire.

Lora thought it would be fun to sneak
into the prisoners' holding area in the
Quezon City RTC. Taken September
2007 during a visit to the RTC for our
Criminal Procedure paper.

Who you calling old?
That's my 82-year old gramps hoisting
a chair on his back while he limps along.
His shorter leg is practically metal.