"Kabalaslan" (loosely translated as "debt of gratitude") was a Hiligaynon word I often heard my Lolo Deting utter when he was alive. He constantly reminded me to be thankful for anything and everything and to make sure that there should be a corresponding expression or manifestation of that thankfulness. Because of "kabalaslan," thankfulness was always profuse and evident during his lifetime. Because of "kabalaslan," he was sometimes wounded or disappointed but more often than not, it gave him so much joy - not because it was an expectation he nursed but because it came randomly in little boxes called surprises. It was never an elixir for him. Instead, it was a form of encouragement to continue to think of himself less and to help others more. My Lolo definitely was not perfect and there were a lot of aspects of his character which needed some work but in terms of giving thanks and appreciation, he had given that trait a whole new meaning.
I am not writing this to hoist him in a pedestal of heroism because, in all humility and honesty, he was your average Joe. Plainly, I write with so much admiration because he simply meant so much to me. So from a very grateful grand daughter who sorely misses her doting grandfather, I would like to rattle off my thank you list.
To my Lolo's many doctors, especially Dr. Juaneza, Dr. Danucop, Dr. Jardeleza, Dr. Bito-onon, Dr. Jurao, Dr. Nadala, Dr. Bayona and Dr. Gopio, thank you so much for everything you did for my grandfather and for being there during the most crucial of times, standing beside us even in the wee hours of the morning. Your strength of spirit gave us hope in the moments when we desperately needed some form of light at the end of the tunnel but your gentle candor gave us the courage to be realistic and to start letting go. You were not just mere physicians to him; you were there for him as a friend.
Thank you so much to the medical residents who attended to Lolo and often had to deal with a host of very frantic and very emotional family members - Dr. Anico, Dr. Salazar, Dr. Prudente, Dr. De Asis, Dr. Lim, Dr. Lee and Dr. Castillo. I do apologize for the times I panic and call you directly, causing you some form of inconvenience. Your patience, calmness and genuine concern are all greatly appreciated and I do hope you will all become very successful specialists in the near future. May you never lose that sensitive human touch which makes expertise in the field medicine less than academic excellence and more of a valuable gift.
I would like to express my gratitude to the IDH nurses and staff, especially to Medeline, April, Leslie, Gerwin, Van, Fatima, Maricor, Joan, Chen and Charene. You all became a part of our day-to-day activities and have made indelible imprints not only in our hearts but in my Lolo's as well. Thank you for the attention you gave Lolo Deting in his most critical hours and for catering to his little requests such as giving him freshly squeezed juice or washing his hair. You all somehow eased Lolo's burden with your gentleness and your genuine laughter. I will certainly miss you all and hope that I will meet up with you again in less strenuous and non-medical related conditions.
I am extremely thankful to Dr. Soriano and the team of physical therapists in the Rehabilitation Medicine department. A very special shoutout goes to to Lani, Lemuel, Sir Archie and Manang Rosella's little bro Nonoy. :) I am not sure if you realize how much joy you all gave Lolo during his rehab sessions. He enjoyed talking about what he did in rehab everyday (I sure could say you also felt the same way) and he always looked forward to your daily sessions. You helped him deal with and accept his paralysis without completely dashing his spirit, for allowing him to bask in the heat of the sunshine without letting him feel the sting. Thank you for giving him so much love, for your patience when his temper started flaring up and for your creativity and good humor which never failed to make my Lolo laugh.
To Pastor Sharon Duremdes, Jaro Evangelical Church, St. Luke Sub-Circuit ministers, their respective churches and their families, Manay Felina, Manong Deo, the Quimpos, the Maderas, the Aplaons and the rest of our prayer warriors - thank you so much for the spiritual support you gave Lolo and our family. Thank you for praying with and for Lolo when he was in pain and when he was discouraged. To my discipler Ate Carol, Ate Shei, Venice and to my surrogate mothers, ates and kuyas in Harvest - your spiritual wisdom certainly made the very heavy journey lighter. Thank you for not sugarcoating the reality that I was bound to lose someone very important to me while giving me the courage to accept that inevitability with arms wide open. Thank you everyone for the constant reminder that our bodies are imperfect and are meant to waste away and die. Thank you for reminding us not to hold on to anything including our broken dreams so that God could properly put them back together again. Thank you for helping us not to forget us that God is good, that God is in control and that God is, and always will be, God.
Lolo devoted a huge chunk of his life to ILIASCO and I am very thankful to every member of his ILIASCO family who gave their support, sympathies and encouragement. I appreciate your efforts to share your time with our family during his wake - from singing for him for the last time up to staying up all night (well, at least, trying to stay up all night) on the eve of his burial. Lolo Deting loved you all very much and I am quite grateful for all the love you had given him in return.
To our many relatives who had supported us in a variety of ways, especially the Rojas-Espinosas, the Tupas-Rojases and the Rojas-Jalandoons, your efforts are greatly appreciated. Thank you for pulling us in the right direction and thank you for giving us numerous shoulders to cry on. Thank you for your encouragement and thank you for making us realize the real value of family. To the Villanuevas, thank you so much for your unexpected gift. We indeed felt the love even if seas have to be crossed and datelines have to be traversed. Special thanks to Tita Marie, Tita Bebing, Tita Diutay and Tita Luz who stood by us when we were at our most helpless, who prayed with us when we were at our loneliest and who stayed by our side and Lolo's side as well when we were all at our weakest and our most vulnerable. There was a rather odd mix of both deep-rooted sorrow and profound peace when we watched Lolo's heartbeat drop to zero in the midst of Tita Bebing's prayer of commitment and an impromptu medley of old Baptist hymns but thank you so much, Tita, for giving Lolo that beautiful farewell gift before his last heartbeat. I am extremely grateful to Nene Heartie and TIta Kang who took charge of the physical arrangement and logistics of the funeral and the wake in Taguhangin. Thank you for working tirelessly for Lolo despite the extreme heat in the daytime and the torrential rains at night. Thank you for helping us do the myriads of things which needed our attention and yet completely forgot. As you will know, grief has a numbing, disorienting effect on one's sense and grief of this intensity certainly has left us bewildered. Thank you so very much for everything and for giving us our newest hairy bundle of joy. The Rojas-Jalando-on brood's support and visit is also something which brought us happiness and comfort in the midst of sorrow. It was a joy to have bonded with you all, especially my long-lost cousins, even for a short period of time. Thank you, Manong Francis Neil and Tito Amsil Alubog, for accepting our invitation to participate in Lolo's vigil services and in his funeral service as well.
Thank you to our many, many friends who made their support known - whether physically or virtually, verbally or musically, via mass cards, texts, emails or even Facebook comments. I am very grateful to everyone who took the time out to be in Lolo's wake despite the rather bipolar nature of the weather. We are also very thankful to all those who sent us gifts, flowers and food. All your efforts are greatly appreciated by my family. Bad, I know I text you a million times a day and I understand how busy you are but I appreciate your responses (no matter how late), your medical explanations and assessments (no matter how frank) and your friendship. Doi (and Betty and Tita Tess), thank you for simply being there. Your physical presence was something I greatly valued and I totally appreciated the effort you made in coming to the funeral despite the distance. A special thank you goes out to the Kabayao family - Tito Gil, Tita Cora, Manang Selien, Far and Gil. In his lifetime, Lolo Deting really loved to hear you play and I express my sincere gratitude in affording him and our family the privilege and honor of another beautiful performance not only during his wake but also during his funeral. I am so thankful to you, Manang Ched (Maquilay), for being a strong pillar of support to our family during this time of trial. Thank you for all the time you spent in taking care of Lolo even if you didn't have to. Your gift - a writing tablet - is something we greatly appreciate and value. We had many wonderful conversations with Lolo using that writing tablet, even if such conversations would eventually be our last. Your gentleness of spirit and sincerity of heart certainly make you one extremely wonderful person, the kind that is quite hard to come by in these current times.
To everyone who pitched in and helped us in the 12 days of Lolo's wake - from cooking to cleaning up to doing the dishes - thank you, thank you, so very much! Thank you for doing this for Lolo and for our family. Your contributions have been indispensable and have allowed us to focus on other things also. On our own, everything would have been an utter mess. Thank you for doing for us and for the guests everything else that we failed to do. Thank you for loving Lolo both in life and in death and I pray that God may richly bless you a hundredfold in your respective lifetimes.
As I said earlier, my mind is a muddle and I may have forgotten a number of people and I do apologize for the slip. However, I still remain as I am - thankful, grateful and very much overwhelmed by the display of love for my late grandfather and the expression of support for my family. I do hope to be able to show my gratitude in a manner more tangible at some point in the future but for now, please accept my humblest thanks. Thank you for opening your hearts to our sorrow and for giving us so many reasons to smile despite the sadness and uncertainty that our loss has dealt. May life be as good to you all as you were to us.
This rosary was a gift for my Lolo from his favorite therapist Lani.
It now hangs on the rearview mirror of the car I drive,
a constant reminder of how much my Lolo was loved in his lifetime.
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